Our Dandelions

What's this? My mind deceives me.

I dance with my thoughts, cling to them tightly,

Then push them away.

What's this, but a distant memory,

Daring to creep back,

Haunting me.

Our dandelions grow,

They spread like a plague.

But what's this?

December,

And they have withered away;

My only souvenir.

So proud are we,

Members of this generation.

Doing anything to protect

This facade that they all see.

But what's this? Could it be

That I want you to notice

My not-so-subtleties?

It is so, but it seems

You don't see what I see.

It appears that the tables have turned.

What's this? The once strong and independent,

Becomes the one who is unsure.

I suppose this is what I deserve.

The Father's Promise

Found am I,

the broken-hearted,

so ashamed of what I've been.

Remain in me, Father,

for I have sinned,

but I am renewed in You again.

I have left You many times,

but still You wait for me.

With outstretched arms, You call.

"There is a burden,

though it is light,"

these, Your words to all.

In Your voice, there is rest.

Gently, yet humbling me, You spoke.

"Come, walk along with Me,

as I carry the weight of this yoke."

Rondeau

I haven't blogged in FOREVER. And I know that a lot has happened and I'm slackin', but I still write and journal a lot. (: I write every day in creative writing, and usually I hate what I write in that class. But today we had to write a rondeau, which is just a type of poem with the rhyme scheme aabba aaba aabbaa. The last line of the last two stanzas (which I've marked 'a') should repeat part of/ the entire opening line of the rondeau. Anyway, I actually liked the one I wrote about two seconds ago, so here it is.

You cannot hide your lies from me,




Though I'll admit I've been deceived.



Your thrashing words plastered in my mind,



I endured that pain for the longest time.



And still your promises, you've yet to keep.







I'm naive? Yes, that may be.



Every foolish line, I believed.



You laugh. "How could she be so blind?"



But you cannot hide your lies from me.







It would seem you have the victory.



But revenge will remain my destiny.



I see you in your cave, disguised,



As you wait for your next victim to arrive.



You cannot hide your lies from me.

I haven't forgotten

For anyone reading this, it is not about me. It's about my best friend. Well, actually, it's for my best friend. I think it's something a lot of people can relate to in one way or another, but not on this level. Enjoy.













Dear Old Friend,


How are you? I hope you're well. Me? Well, I've learned to deal with the circumstances. Though I've dreamt about you every day of my life since you left me behind, you've become a distant memory. I still remember exactly what you looked like then, but I guess you've probably changed. Believe it or not, I've changed a bit too. Yes, I'm still that cute little innocent girl with the big brown eyes and sweet personality, but I think I'm more independant. You helped me with that. But it would still mean the world to me if, just this once, you could reply.

Love always, Me








































Dear Boy I once knew,

You wouldn't believe how fast the years are going by for me. At least, it seems that way looking back. I've found it's easier to cope when I surround myself with friends. But I'm afraid there will always be this hole at the end of the day, and it's an odd size...it's your size. You probably think I'm crazy, don't you? Writing to you just about every week like this. I suppose I know by now that you won't answer, but it's still pleasant to dream. Tell me, dear Boy, what exactly do you dream about? Do you remember your favorite girl?

Love always, Me











































Dear Blurry Memory,

I don't think I can do this anymore. Sitting at my computer, wondering if I should write this or not. Know what it's about? Of course you do. But the memories, the writings, they're all I have to bring me closer to you. And so I have to write, though the words just seem to all run together. They say the same things to me. I force myself to read them, and over and over again, I see the same words. I'm only left with one thing to say: I miss you, Zach. You'll never understand. Don't feel sorry for me. I wouldn't want to get in the way of your happy and busy life. But it wouldn't hurt to let me know you're still out there, somewhere.

Love always, Me


































Dear Zach,

I'm just writing to say that this will be my last letter. Who knows, maybe we'll catch up one day? Yeah, yeah you know what? We will catch up one day. But for now, I need closure. I need to smile, and mean it. Don't ever think you're holding me back from that, my love. You never could. This is just for me. Thank you for everything you've done for me. You've given me hope, and something to look forward to. There will never be anybody quite as amazing as you were, darling.

Love always, Me















Caitlyn, this was for you. I know I can't fully understand what you're going through, but I tried. Hope you like it. Love you, best friend <3

I Shall Fear No Evil

Okay, one thing I miss the most about Saranac is the real talks we had. So it's time to get real again.

Truth is, I'm afraid.

I'm afriad of sharks.
I'm afraid of drowning.
I'm afraid of walking outisde my house at night.
I'm afraid of being kidnapped.
I'm afraid someone will break into the house.
I'm afraid of being killed.
I'm afraid I'll be forgotten.
I'm afraid I won't always have my friends to lean on.
I'm afraid I will never figure out what I want to do with my life.
I'm afraid I won't be successful.
I'm afraid of what people think of me.
I'm afraid I'm worth nothing.
I'm afraid of losing my parents.
I'm afraid of living alone.
I'm afraid I'll never get married.
I'm afraid of rejection.
I'm afraid I won't fulfill my purpose in life.

But if Jesus is my best friend,




then what is there to be afraid of?



I accepted you...





And that was the smartest decision I could ever make <3


Psalm 138:8 The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.
Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil

Why couldn't you have been mine?

Why?

Why
Why
Why
Why

Why do I keep going back to the same old thing?

       Why is it so easy to remember, but so hard to forget?
             
              Why does it seem so perfect, yet I'm the only one who notices?

Why is this so hard?

Okay, so it's not like that many people read my blog. In fact, I believe that the only person who does read it is my best friend, Caitlyn Cain. But she cares, and I tell her everything anyway, so what do I have to lose by writing everything about myself in this blog? (In case you're wondering, yes there is indeed something wrong with me.)

Obviously, at one point in time, we have all asked that same question: "Why can't I just have everything go my way?" And actually, I do know the answer to this. It's simple. It's not our plans that matter, it's God's. I realize that if it were up to me, my life would be spiraling out of control and I'd have absolutely no idea how to pick myself up again. However, I am constantly asking that same question. A lot.


He was beautiful; I was nothing.

Every day I faced the fact that it just wouldn't happen.
So what if our dads go way back?
So what if I wanted him for the longest time?
Why did it only seem perfect to me?

Who was I kidding?

I lived in this dream, this illusion, that I was something special.
It worked for me, but dreams were so much better than reality.
Still, every word you said to me, I held on to.
How many girls actually cared that much?

He was my friend. Finally.

Years passed, we grew up, and I'd given up.
But I hadn't completely moved on.
We actually talked. We were friends. And I played it cool.
Of course, he had a girlfriend. But was he starting to fall for me?
Yes.

And I fell, hard.

When he liked me, I felt like there wasn't a thing in the world I needed.
When he liked me, I smiled a little more.
When he liked me, well, I found out he was a real person.

Because it ended.

He had a girlfriend. What was wrong with me?
It ended with that. We didn't talk for months.
It was the hardest blow I think I've ever taken.
You think I'm overreacting? Probably. But this is my story.

Believe it or not, you move on.

Same classes, same friends, same intrests.
We were bound to be friends.
He sat behind me in Latin. We didn't learn a thing that year.
We talked about things we never had before.
Wanna know why? Because he was becoming my best friend.

I love that boy.

More than a friend? Probably not.
Will something ever happen? Hard to say.
Would I push it and risk losing my best friend? Never ever.
Sometimes I wish it all could just go my way.
But I'm starting to believe that there really is a reason for everything.

E v e r y L i t t l e T h i n g

This is Goodbye

You think you're something, don't you
Stepping over girls like me
They're fragile, you know it
But all you're after is the next best thing

Go on and leave me, please
It's better without you anyway
Don't bother coming back
Because I was never one to stay

Take all my

m e m o r i e s.

They're useless to me

Take all the time I spent

a l o n e

With you.

Take all the time you need to think it through

And I'll just keep living life without you

Well, here you come again
Slipping back into your old ways
What a shame, I gotta say
I thought I finally found my way

O u t.

Don't blame me, just save it
I'd like to see you try to change me
And knock down the wall that I built
Just for you

It's easy to dream and watch everything
Fall so imperfectly into perfection
But that position was meant to be filled
By somebody else

Not the person who gives just enough
To keep me running back, out of breath

I'm worn out

But it's not in my hands anymore

And while you just keep doing what you do
You'll be fading

A w a y

And I'll just keep living life without you.

It's unbelievable, how amazing you are

"The beauty of a dream is worth laying it all on the line." -On the Line by Katie Trotta



This was a song that one of my best friends, Katherine Mclean, danced to in the ODPAS Showcase of 2011, May 7th and 8th. And I was lucky to be right beside her through the whole thing.

Katherine, have I told you how much I admire you? Actually, yes, I tell you every day. But it's because you make me smile every day. You're so strong and you've been through so much, and you're going to go far, my dear.


Thank you for being an amazing friend.


You always know what to say to help me and everybody else who comes to you with their problems, and you always help, even when you have enough problems of your own to deal with. I've spent so much time with you this year and I've come to realize how wonderful you are and why everybody loves you.

Out of all the dances we put on this weekend, I have to say, your solo was my favorite. I love watching you dance, Katherine. You give me strength and courage to want to be stronger. I think that song fits you perfectly, because you may get scared sometimes (who doesn't?), but you've never let anything stop you from pushing forward to do what makes you happy.


When you dance, I see all your emotions in your face. I feel like you're opening up to show everyone who you are and that you're not afraid because you know everything will be okay.

I know everything will be okay.

Because you're a very special person placed here by God to make a difference in the world, and you've been doing just that.


I don't think I can explain how much you mean to me, Kaffy. But you mean a lot. Wow, now I'm crying Katherine, thanks haha. All I can think of at the moment is thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. For being a truly wonderful friend, a person I can look up to and share anything with. Thank you for showing everyone your strength and talent. And for trusting people by giving them your whole heart, even when some break it and knock you down. You're willing to be knocked down, because you just get right back up, and it only makes you stronger. I want you to know that you have so many people right here to catch you as much as we can, and build you back up.


I love you.


Don't forget that.

Stopping the lie

I’m waiting. Waiting for the day when I stop believing this lie.
I’m waiting. Waiting for the day when you stop lying to me.
But I won’t count on it.


The first step to stopping a lie: stop listening to it.


I’ve given you so many chances to prove yourself
And you’ve let me down every time.
I just want you too much.


The second step to stopping a lie: stop dwelling on it.


Should I go along with it and act like everything’s okay?
Should I act like I want nothing to do with you?
Should I not reply at all?

The answer to the last question: yes.

I know you won’t come after me if I don’t acknowledge you.
But why am I hesitating? I know why.
Because honestly, I know it’s wrong, but I can’t let go.


The third step to stopping a lie: replace it with the truth.


You’re mean. You don’t care. And you won’t change.
It’s taken forever for that to sink in.
Not because it’s not obvious, but because I don’t want to believe it.

I’m strong. I’m not your type. And you’re not mine.
There comes a time when you realize that you can’t always get what you want.
I tried to make it happen, but failed every time. So it’s not my place anymore.

Why was it so hard to forget you? I know why.
Because I wasn’t trying.
That ends today.


The wait: difficult, but better than the consequences I have faced.


I can’t look at you and say you mean nothing.
You used to mean everything to me.
But I mean nothing to you.

I still care.
I just hope that one day you can make better decisions.
I want the absolute best for you.


The conclusion: we go our separate ways, and I’m happy.


I can’t wait until that day comes.
I can’t wait until I can look you in the eye and say “I don’t want you.”
On that day, I’ll know it was worth it. I’ll know I deserve better.


"You can't always get what you want

But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need "

-The Rolling Stones

It's hard moving on with a heavy heart

Friend- a person you know well and regard with affection and trust



Affection and trust. The key word for me? Trust.




It’s so important that everyone has at least one friend they trust and can share anything with. One of the hardest things to do is to trust. That’s why you should never let go of that friend once you find that you can trust them. But what if they break that trust? Another one of the hardest things to do is forgive them. You feel humiliated, betrayed, lied to. Because it hurts to watch someone lie to you, believing every word of it, and then finding out that they have no problem risking your friendship. But you just have to ask yourself, how much does this friendship mean to me?




You know, maybe it’s my fault. I tried to tell you how I felt without saying too much; I just thought I didn’t have to. We both knew from the start that this would happen, but you denied it. Was it just to make me feel better? Well, I’m so sorry, because it didn’t. Truth is, it hurt way more than I thought it would. And you noticed. You say you feel like a horrible friend? I’m not going to say that you should, but I’ll act like everything’s okay, even though it kills me. Not because you’re my friend, but because I’m yours.


You said you’d never do it. It was harmless and it didn’t mean anything, right? I didn’t believe you, but I wanted to. It still amazes me that you could sit beside me and let me watch you fall into it. No, not fall, but jump. Yeah, it was you. You knew what you were getting yourself into. We all did. So you can stop apologizing, because I’ve already forgiven you. Not because you’re my friend, but because I’m yours.


I’m your friend. I promised you that I always would be, and that I would love you no matter what happened. And you can do what you want, because that’s your decision. I can’t stop you, and I have no interest in stopping you. I understand that you just want to have a good time. And he does too. I’ve decided that I’d rather be alone if he only wanted one thing from me. But that was my decision, not yours. So I’ll let you do that. But the problem is, I can’t stay out of this. As much as I want to leave you, let you make your own mistakes, and just wait to say “I told you so,” I could never do that. Because I still have to look out for my best friend. And it’s not because you’re my friend, but because I’m yours.

You don't care about me, so why should I care about you?

There's only one reason why I'm here, and you could never help me.
You say you've changed?

Prove it.

Yeah, didn't think so. Excuses, excuses.
I didn't expect much out of you.
So you stay here, that's fine. To each his own, I suppose.
But if you come back, you'll be wasting your time.

Because I'm out, I've brushed you off, and I'm gone.

You wanna talk sweet? Go ahead, I dare you. See how much I can take.
All the pieces I've reattached, I've found, have gotten harder to break.
It sounded better when you were lying, so don't even bother telling the truth.

Just move on to your next victim, but remember,
there are consequences to everything you do.
But if you come back, you'll be wasting your time.

Because I'm out, I've brushed you off, and I'm gone.


What's this blog about? Well, I think it pretty much says it all. But if there's one thing I want anyone to take out of this is that there's no use in waiting on someone who wouldn't think twice about leaving you behind.

This is what you do to me

I'm sorry I was curious
I'm sorry I fell for you
I'm sorry I led you on
Because now I think I'm through


You made me realize that moving on is hard. Especially because you always knew the right words to say. And I believed them. Every single one. Because even though it didn't make sense, I liked to make myself believe that I was the one you really wanted. You told me I was.

What a lie.

But I don't blame you, because after all, it's never your fault, right? Wrong. There is a point where it just becomes old. And everything you said to me and to every other girl that has smiled your way doesn't sound as sweet.

What happened?

Have you lost your touch? No, you're trying way too hard. I've just learned that I simply can't trust any words that come out of your mouth.

You're getting way better at lying. Because I honestly thought that you were different. But you're not capable of that. And that's not attractive, it's sad. But I'm sorry I've wasted your time, because you spent half of it fooling them, and the other half trying to change my mind. Why does it still suprise me that you had the guts to invite her over while you were holding hands with me.

I'm not mad at you. Truth is, I never could be. Maybe that's how you could get away with hurting me over and over again. Because we really did have good times, and that's why no one understands. The memories rush back, and they hit me hard. Tell me, where did those times go? You've become way too serious in all the wrong ways. But I let it get that far.


I fell in love with falling in love
I guess I didn't stop to see
If you were really the right one

One stupid mistake after another
But I just keep jumping in
Truth is, I'm not done.

When it comes to you
I'm the opposite of strong
And I hate what you do to me

But I fell in love with falling in love
I guess I didn't stop to see
That there's a weakness in everyone

I can't believe some of the things you say
How can one person be so mean?
And how can one person be so stupid to take the punch and stay?

That's not strength, that's pathetic
Beacuse every day, I'm more miserable
But the silence is even worse

I fell in love with falling in love
I guess I didn't stop to see
That I was wrong, and you don't deserve me

We would be nothing without our friends

Just look at us. Would you take one good look? We are the people that carry the weight of the world, and we're broken. Every day, something new adds on to the pile of burdens we carry, and it feels as if we'll never get a break.

Can someone please just tell us what's going on? We just need some reassurance that everything is going to be okay; to let us know that it really will be worth it.

Now, stopthinking about yourself for once. Look at the people you see every day. They're hungry for so much more than what life has offered them so far. Even if we've never noticed, they carry the same weight we carry, maybe more. And at the end of the day, we're all exhausted from chasing after things that will never make us happy. At the end of the day, we just want to go home. We all need to go home.

But until then, rain is going to pour down on us, and believe me, it won't stop. It won't stop until we reach our breaking point. But isn't that the way it's supposed to happen? We suffer, and then the rain finally stops. And the weight disappears.

Keep your head up, because that way, you can still see the sun peeking through the clouds.

It'll be okay.

Eventually.


This blog is dedicated to all of my wonderful friends. There was one day this past week where everybody was in a terrible mood. Some of them are going through tough times right now, and some just didn't feel like facing the day.

But that day, we all realized how close we really are, and how we actually care about each other. I know, that sounds realllly cheesy, but it's true. I love them with my whole heart, and honestly, I don't think I could be any luckier.

So I just wanted all of my friends to know that I'm here. And I will be here, always. Because I know you're always there for me.

Thank you. I love you.
<3

Forget You (for Abigale)

Who is this kid? And where did he come from?

It doesn't matter, I fell for you.
You just got me right where you wanted me.
And honestly, it wasn't hard to do.

But next time, I'll be more careful.
I'll wear my game face so you won't see me blush.
And I'll just turn and run away,
The next time I start to trust.

Because really? Who do you think you are?
Giving and taking away?
I'll admit it was fun while it lasted,
But now you get to watch me walk away.

That's what I get for accepting to play
In your immature, childish games.
I picked you because I thought you were different.
Turns out, you were the same.

Thanks for showing me I was wrong.
I've wasted enough of my time.
Because the moment you pretended like you didn't want me
Was right where I drew the line.

I'm shaking my head and laughing
At every stupid memory.
Forgetting you won't be hard,
But forgetting me won't be easy.

So thanks for helping me prove to myself
That I really can be strong.
I'm picking myself off the floor
And I'm finally moving on.

Rmember those days?

My days are great because I've been spending them with you
Remember all the crazy things we did when there was nothing to do?
And everyone stared, but we kept dancing to the same old song
'Cause we didn't care. And out in the street laughing
As loud as we possibly could. Unaware of all the other people

Sha lalala lalala lalala
Sha lalala lalala

Do you remember when we called the radio
And we asked to hear a song that we both loved?
And we danced all around the living room

Now looking back, I see that those were the days
Don't worry about a thing, because everything's okay
And I have you

Sha lalala lalala lalala
Sha lalala lalala

I think Summer was the best time I've ever spent in my life
Remember walking down to the park for the Fourth of July?
And we grabbed our lawn chairs and sat in the front yard
Looking up at the sky and the stars

Sha lalala lalala lalala
Sha lalala lalala
Sha lalala lalala

It's easier said than done

Sometimes, it's easier said than done. And I'm one of those people who can be fooled easily because I like to find the good in a bad situation. I forgive and forget, even if it hurts. And sometimes I wish I was just a little more stubborn than that.

I was nothing to you. And I was okay with that, because you were nothing to me, until you started to show an interest. And yes, I fell face first chasing after you. I had no idea how you were until you hurt me for the very first time. After that, I swore I wouldn't fall anymore. That was easier said than done. You were nice to me, and you were the most beautiful thing to me. And what was I? Well, I was just another girl.

You came back, after I picked myself up. And I fell, again, because I thought it was different. We all go after something we can't have, just to make it ours. That's how it was with you. And you knew everything to say to me, didn't you? Well you should've by then, because you'd had enough experience. But then you left, again. And I wanted to hate you; I wanted nothing to do with you. But when you made me feel even a little bit special, the same old feelings came back again.

Two years passed by and I still haven't learned how to handle you. I still look at you the way I did the first time I liked you. And you still know how to make me smile. But this, right now, is great. We're nothing, just friends, and that's okay with me. Because I can talk to you without worrying that you'll leave if something better comes along. I can stand to look at you, without hurting. But it doesn't matter what you do; there will always be something there. And I know so many other girls feel the same about you. They want to be 'the one' for you. So what makes me different? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It's your decision. You do what you want with your life. You don't belong to anybody, but that won't change the way I've felt about you, as a friend. You're an amazing person, and I believe that you can, and will do anything you want to do. Maybe this is what makes you different from everybody else. I don't know what it is, but there's something about you. And I want to walk away when you leave me, without saying anything. But that's easier said than done.

Trying Something New

Where was the rock inside of me
When I was left pacing anxiously?
Can't seem to keep my feet on the ground

I'm trying to run before I can walk
And I've learned that just doesn't work
When you try to get ahead of yourself

All the questions I kept asking
Weren't meant for you; they were meant for me
I guess that's why no one answered

Where do I go now?
It's my decision
What if I fall down
And you're not there?
There's a part of me that's pushing forward
But I'm on my own, and I'm scared

Now everything seems new to me
And I wish more than anything
That I could go back and start all over

I watch them dancing beautifully
And I'm awestruck, just staring
I'm trapped inside a dreamer's body

What about those years
That I have wasted?
Is this just a trick
My heart's playing on me?
What if I'm just a hopeless dreamer?
Or what if it's real?

I can't tell what's right from wrong
Don't have you. Now I'm alone
And my whole world is spinning faster

Where do I go now?
It's my decision
What if I fall down?
I know it's bound to happen
There's a part of me that's pushing forward
But I'm scared. I'm scared.

Just go ahead and leave

Thanks for nothing ‘cause you threw it all away
It’s never been my job, never been my place
But I did it anyway, only for your sake
And what did you do? You pushed me away
So don’t tell me that you’re sorry
I’ve heard it a million times
And it’s not like I can’t see
What’s right in front of my eyes
I shouldn’t have to pull every detail out of you
It should just be something you always want to do
Is it even worth it? I’m starting to think again
Because I can try all I want, but I know I’ll never win
You know what? Just forget it.
It’s your turn to come after me
I’ll see just how much you care, after I leave
Hello? You still there? Because it’s been all day
I guess I know the answer now, so I’m not going to stay
And just try to come back one day and ask me where I’ve been
I’ll simply ask you the same question
Stare you down, and shake my head
Where were YOU all this time?
Don’t give me any excuses. I’m done.
So pick yourself up off the floor and look me in the eyes
Because you just look pathetic from my point of view
I’m glad that I’ve moved on. Now I don’t have to blame myself
Now that I see clearly, my problem was always you

Now I see, and I'm getting stronger

I'm not experienced, but I know how they are
And honey, they'll eat you up
Because that's just who they are
You can try your luck
Something I've done many times
Just be ready to pick yourself up
After the first few tries

Because They won't have sympathy
And they're just too conceited
To notice people like you and me
We're just thrown out there
And expected to make it on our own
And you'd think maybe they'd miss us after we're gone
But they won't.

So shake it off
And don't you dare let them see you cry
Because that's just a sign of weakness
In their hungry eyes
They feed off of the drama in other peoples' lives
An it's sad, because you wish you could be heartless enough
To be like them, just one time

And I can't waste anymore of my sweet, sweet time
Trying to let you see why I think you're wrong.
It won't sink in. Because you're perfect, right?
And it'll always be my fault
But you have your ways, I'll give you that much
I'm just an amateur when it comes to speaking up
And all that ever seems to do
Is feed those hungry eyes

They don't need to know all the things you did to me
Because it's my problem, not theirs
So I'll just wear my poker face
And get right back out there
And I'll become one of them
So I won't feel the hurt
And they won't forget me.
Trust me, I'll make sure

I'd like to be mean enough to say that is the truth
But that's not me and I can't change
because now I know you
I've seen how you think
But you're soeone else's problem now
Because I won't let you trick me anymore

I just can't learn my lesson

I could take the easy way and fall for your lies
Even though I know that road disappoints me every time
I could ignore all the hurtful things you did and move on
I could pretend that I am strong
That would be the easy thing to do, but I know you
I know who's wrong

Even though you left to make me look like the bad guy, I believed you
I was sorry. Looks like you forgave me, two weeks too late
Your fault, your mistake
I'll go easy on you because I understand
But I won't make the same mistake again

I'm still young and I'm still naive
I know what will happen but I want to believe
That you honestly want to change
It starts to get old when you leave me to pick up the pieces
It took long enough, but I finally did, and what do you know?
You're back, again

I won't fight you, because I can't win
You always seem to prove your point
But now it's your turn to listen to me
Turns out you can't always get what you want
Who am I kidding? I might as well be arguing with no one
Because you have ways of getting under my skin
And I'll just deny it while they watch me come undone
Because I know when it comes to you, I can't win

I Think I Know

I'm not here to ask what she's got that I don't.
I think I know, I think I know
She's not perfect, but she's everything you want
And I'm just her shadow

You pull me in, you push me away. Then you come back again
I couldn't expect you to stay after I said I'd moved on
So what's changed? Where did all the late night conversations go?
I think I know, I think I know

I guess it's true you don't really know what you got until it's gone
I led you on, but so did you, I guess there was something there all along
Was it wrong to be confused? I guess I'll sit back and watch you leave
Good luck with her. But I'll be here if you need someone to talk to
If that's what you choose

You pull me in, you push me away. Then you come back again
I couldn't expect you to stay after I said I'd moved on
So what's changed? Where did all the late night conversations go?
I think I know, I think I know

But I miss the invisible hugs
When I stayed up half the night crying
And you said everything would be alright
You wanna tell me where that went?
I think I know, I think I know

This Is My Dream

Dreaming is good therapy, at least until I wake up
Every night I hold his hand and I'll replay how we fell in love
And it's all fine, walking in a different me
The side I'd never let anyone in this world see

And I'll dance around and sing out loud
Cause I have nothing to worry about
As long as it's my dream. As long as I'm still me

Finally, the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders
And I don't have to look for my purpose on this earth
I'm free from all your critisism because I just don't care anymore

I'll pretend I'm the most graceful dancer and I know how to make words
From nothing at all, and it'll be the prettiest song you've ever heard
And I won't have to try because I have no one to please
As long as it's my dream. As long as I'm still me

It's Your Problem Now

The days hit me hard when I face them alone. I can't seem to accept that I can't do this on my own. But it's Your problem now. I'm sorry I complained. I'm turning it over before I go insane from all the intimidating voices that won't leave my head. And I believed every one of them, and all the words that they said. And I'm sorry for doubting and putting You last, but that won't happen again. I promise, even when I stumble through the dark valley, I'll hold tight, because You love me. And you'll always be mine.

Why Are You Being So Mean?

Is it too late to tell you I can't do this anymore? It wasn't too late for you to turn around and run away. But I'm weak. You wore me out. And I just can't keep chasing you. Maybe it's too late to take it back, but how could I have known? I couldn't have known. But the truth is, the little girl can only be tricked so many times before she realizes she won't get her prince. And now I see your once beautiful shine dimming to a faded glow. And if you don't want to stay, then I'll just go. I think it's finally time to look the other way.But it's easy to say I can be strong without you; it's another to actually move, leaving behind what hasn't been done and everything that we didn't fix. You know I'm sorry, but I can't just keep saying it until you decide to forgive me. I can't take it back, but I would if I could. Just please don't make me feel like the bad guy. Because right now, you're just being mean. Why do you have to be so mean?

You're the farthest thing from perfect, but hey, I am too

Why does it seem like you can bring out all my imperfections without meaning to?

You're crazy and obnoxious, and I am too. But I'm never that crazy when I'm around you.
Well, that's what you think, but you can't see that I'm only crazy for you.
And you're not perfect; really you're insane. And around you I'm quiet and shy.
You're everything I never wanted, so I know I'm losing my mind,
Because I'm trying so hard for you to like me, but it doesn't seem to be working out,
'cause I can't do anything right. But you say you still want me, and honestly, I have no idea why.

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you just see right through me.
Why would someone like you want the little girl sitting in the corner,
wasting her time on daydreams?
She's nothing like you, and you could have anyone in the entire world.
So can you please explain why you want her?

I've tried my hardest to push you away, but you keep coming back.
Why do you do this to me when you know I can't do it?
I couldn't tell you how uncomfortable I am when it's just you and me.
You seem fine, but I'd go back and change it all in a heartbeat.
Because I have ways of screwing things up,
and I'll say sorry at least a thousand times because I'm the reason
it'll never work for us.

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you just see right through me.
Why would someone like you want the little girl sitting in the corner,
wasting her time on daydreams?
She's nothing like you, and you could have anyone in the entire world.
So can you please explain why you want her?

I'll stop asking questions for at least a second or two,
and I'll smile becuase you want me and because I want you too.
But I'm so sorry, because I wear my heart on my sleeve
and I know you see right through me.
With you the world is black and white, and with me everything is in between.
You're a different kind of perfect, and I'm completely opposite.
I know you could have anybody, but for right now, I'm just happy that you want me.

What's It Gonna Be?

I've just been spendin' my time going in circles, wondering why me?
Why now? What's going on? Do you want me? I don't know, and I just can't keep my gaurd down.
But as long as it's just you and me, I'll tell you one of my secrets.
Because I like you and you like me, and I trust that you can keep it.
But if that beautiful smile has been lying all along, you could just be
another reminder of something I did wrong.
Or you could be my favorite song I just can't get out of my mind.
And when I sing along, our words always seem to rhyme.
So I guess I'll just go for it and see what happens next.
At least I could say you were mine and there are no regrets.
We may be far from perfect, but I promise it'll be okay
if I really want you, and you've really felt the same, all this time.
Now you're mine. Do you promise? I'm the only one for you?
Tell me those other girls can try, but I'll still be the one you choose.
Please let those be your words so we can keep on singing,
and forget about the rest of the world. So now what are you thinking?
Are your hopes as high as mine? Well if you're looking for something else,
you're just wasting your time.
But let this be our fairytale and prove that they're all wrong.
That you found the one you want, and it was me all along.
It may be too much to ask, but really it's so easy,
if you finish the lyrics to our song and promise that you'll meet me,
halfway. And we can look back on the day, the day we fell for each other.

Don't You Ever Give Up

You sit alone at your lunch table again

It’d all be better if you had just one friend who cares.
But please don’t worry ‘cause I’m right here
And I’m not goin’ anywhere
And you can cry on me anytime, and you’ll be fine
But still, it’d be nice if


Once, just once, I didn’t have to be your knight in shining armor
The one who sweeps you off your feet
I’ve always been there for you, but I’m wondering
If you’ll ever be there for me
Oh, and it kills me when you stop caring because you’ve had enough
Will you promise me, please, don’t you ever give up


Well people talk, and I’ve heard it all
But I don’t care. I’m only here for you
And if they don’t have anything nice to say
They shouldn’t talk at all
They shouldn't talk at all


Oh but once, just once, I don’t want to have be your knight in shining armor
The one who sweeps you off your feet
I’ve always been there for you, but I’m wondering
If you’ll ever be there for me
Oh, and it kills me when you stop caring because you’ve had enough
Will you promise me, please, don’t you ever give up


And you can push me away all you want
But I’ll fight back and I won’t give up
Why is it so hard for you to see you’re somethin’ special to me?


So just this once I’ll be your knight in shining armor
Just this once I’ll sweep you off your feet
I’m always gonna be here for you
Because I know you’re here for me
Oh, and even when you have had enough
I’ll be right there to make sure you don’t give up
Please, promise me don’t you ever give up

What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

Same old same, will it ever change?

They’ll do anything for us to know their name

It’s just high school. Yeah, but it’s so much more

No one sees what goes on behind those doors

But the people who are hurt even more each day

And the people who see them, but don’t say a thing

You have friends, but inside you know

No one understands. So you might as well be alone

But you fake a smile ‘cause you’re afraid to say

What everyone is thinking at the end of the day

Is there an end to the stereotypes?

And those who push you down, so they can help their pride

I know you can’t see what they do

But they’re alone, just like you

And they won’t say a thing because they’re afraid it won’t be cool.

So we just keep going on like this

Because this is high school

It's Not Me, It's You

You always find a way to turn a perfect situation around.You catch me off guard every time, and I can only take
So much of fallin’ down for you.
You wanted to fall in love. You wanted me to be the one.
I have to admit, it was starting to sound okay. Until this.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth.
It was never me, no, it was you.


I thought we’d finally gotten there
To the point where I could share anything with you.
But now that place seems so far.
All I did was help you. All you did was take it and hurt me back.
So who, who do you think you are?


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth
It was never me, no, it was you.


So you thought you could do anything
Because you’ve been hurt too many times.
But I don’t feel sorry for you
And I think I’m finally through.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And I’m done with being that girl.
That’s the truth.
It’s not me, it was always you.

Old Memories From Old Writings

Okay, so this post is going to be extremely long because I’m posting a few older songs/ writings of mine. They’re really old, so I don’t know how good they are, but oh well. I hope you read them anyway:)

Dear Mommy

It’s the morning of the first day of first grade
You pick me up and turn the music on
We dance around
And you’re my best friend
And I never want you
To put me down

And you don’t know that I was crying
At school that day
I try to stop the tears before
We go out to play
And I don’t think that bell can ring
Soon enough

So I’m thirteen and I don’t cry at school anymore
But I still love you more
Than anything in the world
I close my eyes and remember
How everything used to be, and how
You always encouraged and inspired me

I come home from school where the kids
Always seem to be mean
I throw my backpack down
And remember to breathe
Because I know that I have you
And you will always love me

Black and White Rainbows



Cold wind chills my nose and my hands
Wish you were here to hold them close
I think of all the things
I’ve never said to you
Black and white rainbows fill my head
And it’s all thanks to you

The bittersweet aspiration for you
Eats at me until I’m numb inside
And even though my heart is feeling empty, I smile
When I see you in my mind

Rainbows of every color
Consume me when you’re close
And two short minutes with you
Make up for all the time
I’ve been alone
Alone.

So I’ll just let the coldness take me
And hope that someday, maybe,
It will ease the pain
I sit under the black and white rainbow
And finally feel the warmth
Of the sun’s rays

And even though you’re not with me
You’re still in my heart
Putting the color
In all the rainbows

Up and Away

They tell me not to jump because the water’s gettin’ high
But I gotta make my own mistakes
Gotta let my heart break
Once or twice in my life

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

So I’ve taken chances, maybe some worse than others
But there are no regrets
And I’m weak, but I’m getting’ stronger
And now there’s no going back

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

And I remember those days
When I cried alone
There will be worse days
But I promise, I’m not letting go

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
Don’t wanna listen to all the people yelling my name
I just want the wind to carry me up, up, and away

Somehow

I watch the cars as they go by, and I stare
As the snowflakes fall, one at a time
And this whole time I only see your face
And think the thoughts I usually do
I wish I was there with you

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

So that space beside me is empty again
But I remember everything you said
And I don’t feel so alone
But I miss your voice and your comforting arms
And my heart feels as heavy as stone

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

The sky turned from blue to black, but the ground is still white
And you’re still the only thing that’s been on my mind
And I’ll close my eyes and think of you

I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow
We’ll make it through somehow

Think of Me (For Laurel)

We hear the bell ring and we all crowd outside
It’s hard to believe another year has come and gone by
I hug my friend; she promised she’d come back someday
But still we know it won’t be much
I’ve prepared for this, but I never thought it’d be this tough
And I made her promise me:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

We get into her loaded car and look back at the house for the last time
And truthfully, neither of us can let it go
But still we smile to keep from crying
And all I’m asking is:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

Think of me when you’re with your new friends
Think of me in everything you do
And I will do the same for you

This Moment

Deep in thought, I gaze out my window, showing the numbness of my heart
The sky is beautiful. Too bad you’re not here to see God’s work of art
Lost in daydreams and all the things I wish I could say to you
But my tired eyes are weak. It’s time to leave
Just know that everything I said, well, it was true

Hello there. You gaze into my wondering eyes, and we wake up the midnight sky
And we dance as it sings the prettiest lullaby
So are you in love yet? Sure, why not?
The earth turns slowly, but the clock ticks fast
But can we please let this moment last
Under the stars

The breathtaking view of the ocean doesn’t mean a thing
No, not without you here
So don’t just leave me waiting
I can hear you whisper in my ear
The rain began to sing for you
And you are my atmosphere
My sky of blue

So are you in love yet?
Come on, the clock is ticking fast
Just gaze into my wondering eyes
And we’ll wake up the midnight sky
And dance as it sings
The prettiest lullaby
The world is painted our favorite shade of blue
This moment was made for me and you