Why couldn't you have been mine?

Why?

Why
Why
Why
Why

Why do I keep going back to the same old thing?

       Why is it so easy to remember, but so hard to forget?
             
              Why does it seem so perfect, yet I'm the only one who notices?

Why is this so hard?

Okay, so it's not like that many people read my blog. In fact, I believe that the only person who does read it is my best friend, Caitlyn Cain. But she cares, and I tell her everything anyway, so what do I have to lose by writing everything about myself in this blog? (In case you're wondering, yes there is indeed something wrong with me.)

Obviously, at one point in time, we have all asked that same question: "Why can't I just have everything go my way?" And actually, I do know the answer to this. It's simple. It's not our plans that matter, it's God's. I realize that if it were up to me, my life would be spiraling out of control and I'd have absolutely no idea how to pick myself up again. However, I am constantly asking that same question. A lot.


He was beautiful; I was nothing.

Every day I faced the fact that it just wouldn't happen.
So what if our dads go way back?
So what if I wanted him for the longest time?
Why did it only seem perfect to me?

Who was I kidding?

I lived in this dream, this illusion, that I was something special.
It worked for me, but dreams were so much better than reality.
Still, every word you said to me, I held on to.
How many girls actually cared that much?

He was my friend. Finally.

Years passed, we grew up, and I'd given up.
But I hadn't completely moved on.
We actually talked. We were friends. And I played it cool.
Of course, he had a girlfriend. But was he starting to fall for me?
Yes.

And I fell, hard.

When he liked me, I felt like there wasn't a thing in the world I needed.
When he liked me, I smiled a little more.
When he liked me, well, I found out he was a real person.

Because it ended.

He had a girlfriend. What was wrong with me?
It ended with that. We didn't talk for months.
It was the hardest blow I think I've ever taken.
You think I'm overreacting? Probably. But this is my story.

Believe it or not, you move on.

Same classes, same friends, same intrests.
We were bound to be friends.
He sat behind me in Latin. We didn't learn a thing that year.
We talked about things we never had before.
Wanna know why? Because he was becoming my best friend.

I love that boy.

More than a friend? Probably not.
Will something ever happen? Hard to say.
Would I push it and risk losing my best friend? Never ever.
Sometimes I wish it all could just go my way.
But I'm starting to believe that there really is a reason for everything.

E v e r y L i t t l e T h i n g