I Guess It'll All Work Out Someday

I have mixed emotions about e v e r y t h i n g, and I guess it helps my writing, but I’ve always wished I could be stronger. But it’s not like I hide from anything that could hurt me. I know I’ll be hurt many more times in my life. But the bad thing is, I always get in way over my head and, in the end, I can’t handle it and it kills me. I think it’s because I’m really just not normal. I’m way too pushy when I want something to happen, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But lately, no matter what I do, nothing seems to work out right. I mean, I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but it just gets really aggravating after a while when you can’t have what you want. And I know that makes me sound a bit, uh, bad, but it’s like when you want something for Christmas really badly and you don’t get it. That’s definitely not what I’m talking about though; it’s not an object, really. And my latest blogs, although they’re not all about what I’m talking about right now, have been about a certain situation. I’m not really mad about what happened, but a little disappointed, I suppose. I could’ve gotten myself out of this, but I’m a little mad at myself because I started everything. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have known what could’ve happened. Does this make any sense? I can’t say that I want to get hurt, but to me, going through a situation and failing epically is better than not knowing what could’ve happened. I don’t consider anything I’ve done to be a mistake, just a learning experience. And I certainly don’t regret my latest situation. I know I can’t stop myself from trying to make everything better, but one day, no matter what I do, it’ll all work out. And not even I can stop it. And that is a good reason to keep going, because I know there’s still going to be so much more for me, better than I can even imagine.

I Always Knew It was Coming

I told you I wouldn’t be sorry, but I am a little hurt
Because you had every part of me believing every word
And if I’m so amazing, why couldn’t you have stayed
Instead of leaving me alone with no words left to say
But my life will go on, and I’ll be my same-old self
And you’ll still be there asking “What if there’s no one else?”
Honestly, I’m not angry because I’ve been through this before
When all the walls start closing in, I’ll just find a door
You can say you’re sorry, but let me be very blunt
I’ve been doing some thinking and you’re not the one I want
I’m okay with moving on, just please don’t hold me down
You decided to let me go when you turned it all around
I’ll admit you took me a little by surprise
Although I should have seen it after the millionth time
I believed. I believed.
And yes, I promise, I am not mad
Because I knew this day was coming
So I’m only a little sad
I didn’t leave. I didn’t leave.
But after going through all this, I know it wasn’t me
It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.

Forgive Me (For Abbey)

I whisper loudly; you speak softly

The words from my mouth never sink in
But the words from your mouth haunt me


You don’t understand how bad it hurts to see you every day
When all I ever did was love you
And all you ever did was push me away
You hide it from them so they won’t see
All the scars you left
No, they can’t see a thing

What did you accomplish by pushing me away?
Was it just to help your pride? Well let me tell you what I got
Out of hearing you say
“I hate you.”
I got a couple months of crying at night, of closing my eyes
And saying “I’m so sorry.”
How many times can I apologize when I did nothing
Nothing to you

It All Just Flew By

Looking back on how much I’ve changed this year amazes me. I’ve had my ups and my downs, and my super ups and super downs, and times when I’ve asked if the downs would ever end. So many memories were created this year, and I didn’t realize I was adding on to them every day. I’ve gone through a lot with my amazing friends and family, and we’ve all come a long way, but it all just flew by.



This year has really been different for me, but in a good way. I’ve had reasons to cry, but so many more reasons to smile. I’ve come to be best friends with people I never would’ve thought I would have, and I’ve grown apart from those I thought I’d be friends with forever. But those people have all touched my life in some way, even if it was bad. But I don’t regret anything. I’m so glad I am who I am, and I am even more grateful that the people around me are who they are. I can’t say thank you enough to my wonderful friends, and I don’t think they realize how amazing they are to me. This year, I’ve always had someone I could trust. I’ve always had someone I could laugh with. I’ve always had someone I could complain with about the photography teacher. And I’ve always been able to avoid drama.


This year has allowed me to make my own decisions, and I feel like I’ve changed a lot since middle school. I can’t explain why, but I don’t think it could just be because I have more responsibilities. But the hallways are longer, the people are taller, the teachers are a bit stricter. And I can finally say I am a Little Giant. I go to that high school. I don’t really know why I think that’s so exciting, but it is, and I don’t want that to end. I don’t really want to stay in high school my whole life, but I know this is probably going to be the best part of my life, and I should make the most of it.




I’m done with the “What if’s”
And letting everyone decide how I’m gonna live my life
I’ll choose what I’ll do about this situation
No matter what you say, I’ll jump headfirst anyway, even if I’m not right


What could be wrong with something that makes me happy?
Absolutely nothing until someone gets hurt
But nobody has, so just let me just keep on smiling
And if I really am wrong, let me make my own mistakes so I can learn
On my own

Can't Undo What's Been Done

My heart hurts. I’m sorry

Can’t undo what’s been done

I didn’t want to. I promise

Can’t undo what’s been done

It was mine. Only mine

Can’t undo what’s been done

I was wrong. I apologize

Can’t undo what’s been done

Now you see everything

Can’t undo what’s been done

And it’s not just my song to sing

Can’t undo what’s been done

I would take it all away
Can’t undo what’s been done

And have everything stay the same

Can’t undo what’s been done

If you hate me, I’ll survive

Can’t undo what’s been done

If I can’t move on, then I’ll try

Can’t undo what’s been done

It Just Keeps Growin'

I swear it was nothing but two kids being kids.

We're still young, just having some fun.
But we're careful because we've learned from the things we did.
It was innocent; the night we met.
But I knew there would be something someday.
And I know I was just a girl to you; one you could easily forget.
So I wanted to feel the same, somehow, someway.
But that didn't work out, because the talks got longer, and deeper, and stronger.
And I couldn't help but wish you felt the same.
And then I saw you for real this time. I felt like I'd known you forever.
But how did you feel that night? Because I've been dying to know.
If you were as nervous as me, then it's your secret to keep, and the less I know, the better. Well now I'm yours, and I hope you're mine. It all kinda came without saying.
I'll keep going back to the night you told me I looked amazing.
My cold hands in yours; your warm hands in mine,
And your arm around me made my entire week. It's just sad that the time had to fly. When they looked at us, they knew it was right, and I looked over and saw you smile.
And I could stare at those beautiful eyes
As long as you would let me.
Was it wrong for me to fake a fight just to see what you would do?
I love that you kept bugging me, and I gave up cause I felt guilty.
And when I think about that night, I forget everything around me.
Every smile on my face was all because of you.
And what was it that left the biggest smile? Tell me what you said.
Was it that you're a lover, not a fighter? Oh yeah, that was it.
We don't know what we are, but for right now, that's okay.
I just know that whatever we have, I hope will never change.
And if you find out I'm not what you want, and that you deserve better than me,
I promise I'll let you leave.
And with a heavy heart that will slowly grow lighter,
I'll smile at the memories created by you and me.
And wanting you will be the only thing I wasn't sorry for.
No, I won’t be sorry

I Can't Control Everything

Overstressed and never satisfied
That’ll wear you out
I want to control every little thing
And change everything about myself
I say I’ll stop, and put on a mask
And hope it’ll sink in sometime
That no matter how hard you force them
Words can’t always rhyme
I can blend in with everybody else
And act like I am strong
But what would be the point
If you’re just going to prove me wrong?
If you keep saying everyday
You’ll make it happen someday
If you just keep on waiting
Well, soon it’ll be too late
And if before when they told me
Love is all you’ll ever need
Was it them, or was it you
Who just used me for your game?
You can try all you want
To understand what a song means
But if you’ve never been in that place before
How can you feel its sting?
Don’t tell me you’re a writer
When you use someone else’s words
Because I’ve been disappointed
More times than I’ve deserved

I Love My Family

  I'm sitting here in an over-sized sweatshirt, black sophie shorts, and a blanket on top. I have my whole family with me on the couch watching TV, but we don’t even need it..We’re just that interesting. They’ve gotten me thinking, I’m never really myself unless I’m with them, because they’re the only ones that understand anything. Nobody would laugh at our inside jokes, because we’re the only ones that share the same sense of humor. We may seem strange to you, but that’s only because everyone else seems strange to us. Every family has their own inside stories and jokes that only they understand. I get that, but I still can’t help but think, I’m so glad I live with these people. I love you.

Watch Me Walk Away

I used to think you were the highlight of my week

My life revolved around talking to you.

I’ll never know why I went to those extremes,

Until you looked at me.

But time has passed and we’re still stuck in the same place.

And now I’m starting to think all those times

I went out of my way to see you in the hallway

Should’ve been you instead

 

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one; can’t stay in the same place

I’ve been waiting for a while, so tell me

It’s not a waste

Take me as I am, or you can watch me walk away

 

Stuck in reverse

I used to think you were the greatest thing in my whole world

And I’m still trying to save whatever we were

You’re just not pulling your own weight

And everyday I’m hoping you’ll say whatever you used to say

That had me smiling the whole way home

For the whole night

And into tomorrow

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one; can’t stay in the same place

I’ve been waiting for a while, so tell me

It’s not a waste

Take me as I am, or you can watch me walk away

I know you’ve got a rep to protect

And underneath it all, you’re the sweetest thing

But don’t you think it’s mean to play

With little girls’ fragile hearts?

 

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one, and I don’t have all day

And if collecting all these broken hearts

Is just a game you play

Then I’m done, and you can watch me walk away

It Was Better When I Was On Top

Have you ever had a really great dream that felt real, and you remember everything like it really happened? But then you wake up, and you realize that you were tricked; that the dream was only a dream.



I’m standing here looking in the mirror, talking to myself. I’m not crazy; that just seems to be the one person that listens best. And I’m not looking for advice; just a friend. I guess it’s hypocritical for me to think this is unfair. After all, I treated them the same way you treated me. The only difference is they can jump back on their feet faster than I can. When they opened up to me, they didn’t care that they were shot down. It just allowed them to move on. Me, however, I thought I was stronger. I told myself over and over again that I could get hurt, but that it was worth it. Was it really worth it? Then after it was over, I became a little too careful. Who was I kidding thinking I was as insensitive as everyone around me? Every blow I take personally, and to them, well, it’s just what happens. I can’t expect them to sympathize. No. I don’t want anyone to sympathize. I just want to be numb to the blows. I want to be able to make my own decisions and be able to handle the consequences without it hurting. But that won’t be possible, no matter how many hits I take.


Why do I continue to stare at a broken clock? It’s because I’m waiting, wondering if there’s a chance that it might move. When everybody else has given up, I’m still here. But sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I want to accept that what’s broken isn’t going to work. Is it wrong to have hope? Or is it just that I’m so anxious to find what I was looking for in the first place? Why does it seem to work for them better and even faster than it ever has for me? Maybe it’s because I’m destined for more, and I’m not supposed to be wasting my time on this. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m really not capable of being the person I’ve tried so hard to be.


So what now? Please, don’t tell me. I don’t want you to tell me. I just want it to happen on its own. I can’t say that I won’t ever be hurt again, because I know for a fact that I will. I’m just waiting for the day that I won’t feel the sting.

One Day (For Julia)

Was it wrong to believe that I could have the world?

Is it bad that I’ve seen too many fairy tales with happy endings?

How could you get my hopes so high just to push me on the ground?

And now you’re gonna keep everything inside

And I’ll just wait and hope that one day

Maybe you’ll come around

Come around

Just say the word and I’ll be there, don’t have to tell me twice

Cause I’d do anything to see those beautiful eyes shine

When will I get my chance to show you how great we could be?

I’d walk ten thousand miles for you to see what I’ve seen all along

And I swear I’m gonna prove you wrong…

One day

One day

Let’s take a walk, just you and me, and let this last forever

If you could only hear everything I’ve been holding in

You’d want to be together

But time just keeps dragging on, and the one thing I wanna know is

Why couldn’t you just see what’s been there

All along?

All along

Just say the word and I’ll be there, don’t have to tell me twice

Cause I’d do anything to see those beautiful eyes shine

When will I get my chance to show you how great we could be?

I’d walk ten thousand miles for you to see what I’ve seen all along

And I swear I’m gonna prove you wrong…

One day

One day

I’ll break through the wall that’s been standing in between us

And I’ll figure you out

Just promise me you won’t fight back

And let your wall come down

Please come around

Come around

Just say the word and I’ll be there, don’t have to tell me twice

Cause I’d do anything to see you smile

When will I get my chance to show you everything we could be?

I’d walk ten thousand miles for you to see what I’ve seen

All along

And I swear, oh I swear I’ll prove you wrong

One day





Dear Boy

Dear Boy,



It didn’t take long to figure out how much I like you, and it was always there, hidden. It didn’t matter what anybody else thought for those past couple of days, because I only cared about what you thought of me. And all I asked for was that you felt the same way too.


When you get your hopes high, it makes the fall back down ten times worse. I don’t want to believe it could be over, because I’m not willing to let it go. And if you care enough to read this, I just felt I had to say that I don’t consider our time together to have ever been a waste.


It was better before when we were new to this, and I let my imagination fool me. I guess ignorance is bliss. So Dear Boy, I’ll be here if anything changes.


If it had been anyone else, I’d say, "It’s not worth losing precious sleep." But where do I go from here after I’ve jumped in way too deep?


Dear Boy, I don’t know exactly how you think. I just know you have a way of coming easily to me. And if it was her you wanted it to be all along, then I have to tell you, Dear Boy, that I have to move on.



"But you could make me smile
My heart could fly
Ten hundred miles to see your eyes." -Caitlyn Cain

What Holds Us Back

So, I recently started going to this program just for the high school students every Wednesday night. It’s called Young Life, and it’s ah-ma-zing! Basically what we do is meet and talk to friends for a few minutes, and then go inside our building and sing, play games, and talk about Jesus. And when that’s over, we go to Chick-Fil-A to eat. There’ve only been two meetings so far, and they’ve been the highlight of my week. Young Life reminds me that there are so many amazing people right in my own school.



Young Life has been my great escape for the past two weeks, because they’ve been unusually stressful. There’s not really a specific reason, but it’s the same old thing that holds me back. We all have some type of obstacle in our lives that keep us from living a close-to-careless life. My question for you is what holds you back? How long has this been a problem?


There are actually many things for me, and sometimes I have to stop and tell myself I’m only fourteen. It shouldn’t be normal to stress about the same things all the time. I have fears. I fear rejection. I’m always trying to please someone else over myself, and it can be good, but not when it reaches a certain extreme. I’m sensitive and I hate it. But what can you do?


Well, God hears us if we decide to give him all of our fears. I ask Him to help me with something new every day. Sometimes I wonder if He’s getting annoyed with me, but then I remember that this is exactly what Jesus wants me to do. He wants to be my best friend; He wants to be the one I want to share everything with. And that’s exactly what I do. Sometimes what I want doesn’t happen, but nobody said I’d get everything I want. And even though it’s frustrating, something great usually happens to make up for it.


So this blog is just for me to say that I have problems like everybody else, and I’m not happy with them, but I have so many reasons to be grateful. I’m too sensitive, I’m too hard on myself, but every Wednesday night is a reminder from God that I am loved. And so are you.

Trust

We rely on other people to do so many things for us. We trust them. In cheer, like most sports, we have to know our teammates will be there when we need them. If we weren’t positive someone would catch us if we happened to fall, we wouldn’t take as many chances. In life, we pour our hearts out to our friends. We tell them our most personal secrets because we trust them. For some people, trust comes easily. For others, it can be harder to open up. And there will always be ‘those people’ who can’t be trusted, but the problem is trying to spot them. Unfortunately, we often have to figure that part out on our own. But when you can’t trust, the connection you once had with that person or thing is broken, and sometimes, it can’t be fixed.



It is a privilege to be trusted, and to be able to trust in others. Trust should not be taken lightly, or be used against anyone. So if you trusted someone and they didn’t come through, would you be capable of trusting them again? If so, how many chances would you give them?


Sometimes we continue to trust someone who has constantly let us down, and we know they would take advantage of us every chance they could get. Personally, I think everyone deserves a second chance (depending on the circumstance), and if they can really be trusted, there would be no need to give out any more. It’s okay to be cautious, but you shouldn’t let that stop you from giving your trust to somebody. And even though we all know we’re risking our humility whenever we trust someone, that’s just another reason why we should. Because we can learn from our mistakes rather than dwell on them, and we’ll be ready to pick ourselves up after the fall.






 You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.
-Frank Crane

More Than A Shadow

Late at night, I stare at the ceiling and I look to my right

And see the only sliver of light

In a dark room.

Creating shadows and making shapes.

Isn’t it great how being young can fuel imagination?

What if I said I want to be more than just a shadow?

I want to feel outside the box.

And wishing makes me hopeful

But dreaming’s not enough.

I want to be able to say I left something behind

That you call your inspiration.

 

You’ve got to understand, I am who I am.

Either take it or leave it.

But I will tell you now, it won’t be worth your time

To try to change it.

Maybe I’m a little bit insane,

But I just think of this life as a game I’ve got to play

To prove I can win it.

 

What if I said I want to be more than just a shadow?

I want to feel outside the box.

And wishing makes me hopeful

But dreaming’s not enough.

I want to be able to say I left something behind

That you call your inspiration.

 

Every step of life is just another piece to add on to our puzzle.

And we won’t know what it’s supposed to look like until it’s over.

So, I guess I’ll stick around and just come out

Where the sun shines.

Taking Chances

Have you ever noticed the colors in her eyes are fading every day?
Have you ever watched a sunset start to fall, fall away?
Every day she promises she’ll change for the better,
But she hasn’t yet.
And every day is the beginning of the rest of her life,
But she says she’s tired of trying.


When you’ve lost all your motivation and all your hope,
Where do you turn to? Where do you go?
With all the other heartbreaks and shattered dreams;
When you feel like no one’s listening,
Come find me.


Are you still convinced you have nothing at all
When there are people out there who think
The sun only Rises for you?
But you’re just too busy looking at the things you don’t have,
Instead of looking past the material things.
Don’t you see you have everything you need?
But you still feel alone.




When you’ve lost all your motivation and all your hope,
Where do you turn to? Where do you go?
With all the other heartbreaks and shattered dreams;
When you feel like no one’s listening,
Come find me.


So you don’t believe in miracles or love at first sight.
You don’t believe in wishing on the first star of the night?Have you ever noticed the colors in her eyes are fading everyday?

You know that person who seems to have everything you want? And you think “Why can’t I have that life? If only I could change this, I would be happy.” And you start to envy them. You try to control it because you know it’s wrong, but you’re only human. We can’t do anything about where we came from or the way we look, but there are things we can control. Instead of dreaming of how you think your life should be, make it happen. Don’t worry about what other people will think, or look down on yourself because you’re not perfect; nobody is perfect. No, not even the one person who seems to come close. So don’t worry about getting hurt, because you will bounce back. And happiness is great, but you build more character when you’re knocked down. Don’t be afraid to live your life and take risks because you’re scared of what the outcome will be. But, we also have to remember that we have a reason for being here. Our lives have meaning. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with dreaming or wanting something, but don’t forget all the wonderful things you have right in front of you.

That Would Be A Lie

Well, since I haven’t been able to write in a while, what I am about to write is a little old…sorry.

Well look at you, giving out advice, but you won’t take it.

Apparently, you can’t do anything wrong.

Everybody’s got a weak spot, and I hate to say it,

But you’ve got more than one.

Don’t try to tell me you’re perfect, because I know you’re not.

I’ve seen you at your best and, well,

Is that all you’ve got?

Yeah, I’ve seen you fall down at least once or twice.

So don’t tell me you don’t know what it feels like,

because that would be a lie.

You go on and on about how great you are.

But you can’t tell me how to do my part. When you’re pushed a little harder,

Don’t expect us to cry along with you. Aren’t you the one who said there’s not a thing

you couldn’t do?

Don’t try to tell me you’re perfect, because I know you’re not.

I’ve seen you at your best and, well,

Is that all you’ve got?

Yeah, I’ve seen you fall down at least once or twice.

So don’t tell me you don’t know what it feels like,

because that would be a lie.

Whenever you get the chance, you kick me when I’m down.

But you should know by now

That what goes around, comes around.

Don’t try to tell me you’re perfect, because I know you’re not.

I’ve seen you at your best and, well,

Is that all you’ve got?

Yeah, I’ve seen you fall down at least once or twice.

So don’t tell me you don’t know what it feels like,

because that would be a lie.

Don’t tell me you don’t know what it feels like, because that’s a lie.

So you know those people who try to make you feel small so they can feel better about themselves? Or people who just think they know everything? I’m sure we all know at least one person like this, but what can we do about them? There’s not much we really can do but shake off whatever they say, and refuse to let their words get to us. If you know what you’re doing is right, then there’s no sense in arguing or even paying attention to them. All you can do is prove that you know what you are doing.

Memories And Promises

First of all, I would just like to make it clear that I forgave the person in the last post a long time ago. Before the school year let out, actually. And we talk, just not much and not like that. I just simply wrote that post to let all of it go.


Anyway, today I want to talk about memories and promises, mainly because these were the two subjects we discussed in Sunday school. And before I go on, I want you to think about the thing you remember the most. It can be a good or bad memory. You can tell me what it is if you want or you can keep it to yourself. Now I want you to think about what triggers that memory. Is it a song? A certain face? A scar?
Okay, so memories are amazing things. For some people, memories are all they have left of something that was lost or taken. They can comfort us when we're sad and help us to remember the good in life. Or they can do the exact opposite. Some memories replay themselves constantly in our heads, especially the bad ones. And you could go your whole life holding in a memory that has broken you, and nobody knows about it. And if that's you, can you do something for me? Can you just l e t g o of the pain that memory has caused? Can you forgive whoever's fault- or accept whatever reason- it might be? That's a big step, but it's important because it proves you understand there's a reason behind it, and you're willing to put it all behind; to move on.


And then there are promises. We've all made at least a million promises, whether to ourselves or to others, in our lives. But here's the thing: how many have we really kept? Sometimes we make promises we're not really positive we can keep. Has anyone ever broken a promise they've made to you? Well let me ask this, how did you handle it? If you want to be forgiven, you must first f o r g i v e. Yes, forgive. It takes guts, but you will be much happier later.
Although, it is frustrating to count on someone and they let you down, even for the simplest things. What we all have to realize is that things happen that are out of our control, but how we handle the situation is in our control.
And when we break our promises, do we care? Are we really sorry or do we say "Oh, well." and move on like we did absolutely nothing wrong? If you don't take your promises seriously, how can you ever expect anybody else to?
As a christian, I've made a promise to God. Only it's so much stronger than a promise; it's a commitment. This means that I will live for Him and allow His words to speak through my actions. And I have to remember my promise to Him when my friends are out partying, or if and when someone offers me a drink. And if I ever think it's unfair or everything's harder for me, and I start to feel sorry for myself, then I have to remember I made a promise that was my choice. Mine. Nobody but me decides what I'm going to do with my life. And when I'm older and I look back on my life, am I going to be ashamed? Will my life be filled with  bad memories and a promise I made to God that I never kept? This is always what I ask myself before I make a decision, and I strongly encourage you to do the same. And feel free to talk to me about what you want to change, if there is anything.


I decided a long time ago that when I get to Heaven, I don't just want God to say "You're on the list. Come on in." No. I want Him to smile at me and say "You have done well, faithful servant."

A Chance To Say I Forgive You

And you really decided you’d try again; giving it another shot. My question is why? What’s different? Well let me just tell you now that nothing has changed. Not one thing. So do you really care or did you just think you would have nothing to lose no matter what? I’m pretty sure I have a good guess.



By the way, it’s okay to be bold, but before you decide to open your mouth, think. Think about if what you’re about to say is worth your time and mine, or if it’s just another breath wasted.


And what happened to what you said about being over it, about moving on? Because I was pretty sure it meant for good. And now I couldn’t be happier. But there’s always something, isn’t there? Just as long as it’s convenient for you. But then it becomes my fault because I don’t want to put up with it anymore, right? Well what do you expect me to say? I’m sorry? Because that’s definitely not happening.


I’ve told you before that you can talk to me, but when was the last time you said a word to me just because you were just checking in? It doesn’t cost much to be my friend, but it’s not free either. And when you come and go as you please, I start to notice you only come back because you think you can.


I give out so many chances, and I’ll keep doing that, but that doesn’t mean you can take them for advantage. I’m not stupid. I just refuse to hold a grudge on something I know is not worth my time. And when you said don’t hate the player, hate the game? Well I’m just letting you know I don’t care too much for either. But now that I look back at it, all I can do is simply laugh. I’m laughing because I’ve now seen a fourteen year old with the maturity level of an eight year old, because you think you will always have a chance while I put you in the back of my mind because I know you don’t, and because you’re cocky…and could you tell me what exactly there is to be cocky about?


But like I said, I will not hold a grudge against you, because I know you’re only human just like the rest of us. I’m just taking this chance to say I forgive you for everything you have done in the past and everything you will do in the future…and I know there will be things to forgive you for that have yet to come.

Hope

  Wow, this summer has really gone by fast, and I can’t believe I’ll be in high school. I know it’s a big step but I also know I’m ready for it.



  So, have you ever been close to someone who’s struggling and you were more than willing to help, but you couldn’t? It’s hard to sit back and have to watch, especially if your life is going great and you wish you could take the weight off their shoulders. Don’t worry, there isn’t a huge crisis going on, but it’s enough to make me realize we cannot take anything for granted.


  I continue to ask God to bless my friends and family and thank Him for giving me a beautiful life. And though it would be easier to know what we will become- what will happen to us, in a way it’s better to just focus on today. Life is complicated, but it is the hardships we face that build our character and make us stronger. Even when it feels like God has forgotten us and we’re walking blindly through life, worrying about what will make or break us, the only answer is to have h o p e.


Hope- the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best






But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. – Isaiah 40:31

I Love It, But It's Not My Life

 So as you may know, I cheer for varsity football and absolutely love it. Well, there's also a competitive cheer team in Waynesboro called Southern Charm, which is owned by one of my coaches, Erica Campaigne. I went to one of their practices last year with a friend and loved it. I also went to the open gym tumbling classes where we worked on back handsprings. Then, Erica asked me to join and it became my main goal.    The point is, some things just don't work out, no matter how much we want it to. God wants us to be well-rounded. He wants us to be passionate about some things, but we shouldn't be so into it that we're willing to give up our lives for it. I knew I had other priorities besides cheer, and I had to accept it. God just has other plans for me right now.   I asked my mom if there was a possibility that I may be able to join the team the next year, and she said she didn't know how much time and money it would require. So I prayed and prayed that it would be God's will for me to be on the team, and I still feel like the answer was never really completely obvious.

  Anyway, over Summer we have many practices for varsity so we can practice for our competitions, and every time I saw Erica I would ask her more questions about SCC and I became more and more interested. And this Summer, cheer has basically been my life. I love it, but I also realized that when school started- which was going to be soon- I'd have a lot more to balance. Especially going to high school.


  As Summer went on, I realized I would have to make a decision pretty soon, and I wanted it, but it wasn't that easy. My mom said she would find a way to pay for it and to join if I wanted to, but I felt sooo guilty just taking her money. And there was also the schedule. Southern Charm practices were only twice a week, and one was Saturday mornings. My Friday nights were already going to be occupied by varsity games, so if I had something else on Saturday, I would hardly ever see my dad. That wouldn't be good. So I started looking at the pros and cons of the situation, and always ended up with more cons. But I still couldn't just let it go because the pros were so strong they basically evened out the good and bad! I was stuck and began praying about it more than ever.


 But in the end, I decided it would be better not to do it...at least for this year. The timing just wasn't right. With going into high school and being on varsity, I would already have a busy schedule; and if I did take part in all these activities, I would definitely be risking my social life           

God is always with you, seen or unseen, saint or sinner. Giving you air, supporting your footsteps, nourishing you with sunshine, God is here with you. The separateness you sometimes feel is an illusion, in truth you are never alone.

You Never Know

   So this is my first blog and I just decided to write about what's bugging me. Well today was freshman orientation and I had two mentors showing me around. I didn't really have too many questions because I've already been told a lot about what the high school is like. So after we spent some time with our mentors and friends, the parents came and we got our new schedules, and the kids were allowed to go check everything out without the parents. Well, I liked my classes for the most part, except one class: journalism. Yes, I love writing, but I was originally supposed to take photography (which I was really excited about). So after I met up with my parents, we went to guidance to see if they could change it, or if the class was already full. But by then, I was basically in a realllly bad mood. Then my parents told me that maybe this was God's plan. What if journalism would help me figure out what I want to do with my life? Anyway, I really started to think about that when the lady told us she'd be able to get me into photography. Great, right? But, as usual, I overanalyzed the situation and thought maybe I was supposed to take journalism but God wanted to teach me a lesson, so he let me have it my way. Or maybe I was just meant to have photography and the lesson was to have a good attitude in situations like that. I guess you just never know, right? I'm just hoping for an amazing first year of high school and maybe when something like that happens again, I should just realize that His plan is always going to be better for me. And I just have to accept that I can't always get what I want. But God doesn't want us to be robots either..He wants us to love our lives and live them to the fullest, while at the same time, accept that He is in control and trust that He knows what He's doing better than we do.
So I want you to be open to new things, because you never know what will be the best for you in the end.  


   Thanks so much for reading this if anyone did, and I'll try to post as much as I can!

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need."

                                                                                                                     - Rolling Stones