I Guess It'll All Work Out Someday

I have mixed emotions about e v e r y t h i n g, and I guess it helps my writing, but I’ve always wished I could be stronger. But it’s not like I hide from anything that could hurt me. I know I’ll be hurt many more times in my life. But the bad thing is, I always get in way over my head and, in the end, I can’t handle it and it kills me. I think it’s because I’m really just not normal. I’m way too pushy when I want something to happen, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But lately, no matter what I do, nothing seems to work out right. I mean, I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but it just gets really aggravating after a while when you can’t have what you want. And I know that makes me sound a bit, uh, bad, but it’s like when you want something for Christmas really badly and you don’t get it. That’s definitely not what I’m talking about though; it’s not an object, really. And my latest blogs, although they’re not all about what I’m talking about right now, have been about a certain situation. I’m not really mad about what happened, but a little disappointed, I suppose. I could’ve gotten myself out of this, but I’m a little mad at myself because I started everything. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have known what could’ve happened. Does this make any sense? I can’t say that I want to get hurt, but to me, going through a situation and failing epically is better than not knowing what could’ve happened. I don’t consider anything I’ve done to be a mistake, just a learning experience. And I certainly don’t regret my latest situation. I know I can’t stop myself from trying to make everything better, but one day, no matter what I do, it’ll all work out. And not even I can stop it. And that is a good reason to keep going, because I know there’s still going to be so much more for me, better than I can even imagine.