I Guess It'll All Work Out Someday

I have mixed emotions about e v e r y t h i n g, and I guess it helps my writing, but I’ve always wished I could be stronger. But it’s not like I hide from anything that could hurt me. I know I’ll be hurt many more times in my life. But the bad thing is, I always get in way over my head and, in the end, I can’t handle it and it kills me. I think it’s because I’m really just not normal. I’m way too pushy when I want something to happen, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But lately, no matter what I do, nothing seems to work out right. I mean, I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but it just gets really aggravating after a while when you can’t have what you want. And I know that makes me sound a bit, uh, bad, but it’s like when you want something for Christmas really badly and you don’t get it. That’s definitely not what I’m talking about though; it’s not an object, really. And my latest blogs, although they’re not all about what I’m talking about right now, have been about a certain situation. I’m not really mad about what happened, but a little disappointed, I suppose. I could’ve gotten myself out of this, but I’m a little mad at myself because I started everything. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have known what could’ve happened. Does this make any sense? I can’t say that I want to get hurt, but to me, going through a situation and failing epically is better than not knowing what could’ve happened. I don’t consider anything I’ve done to be a mistake, just a learning experience. And I certainly don’t regret my latest situation. I know I can’t stop myself from trying to make everything better, but one day, no matter what I do, it’ll all work out. And not even I can stop it. And that is a good reason to keep going, because I know there’s still going to be so much more for me, better than I can even imagine.

I Always Knew It was Coming

I told you I wouldn’t be sorry, but I am a little hurt
Because you had every part of me believing every word
And if I’m so amazing, why couldn’t you have stayed
Instead of leaving me alone with no words left to say
But my life will go on, and I’ll be my same-old self
And you’ll still be there asking “What if there’s no one else?”
Honestly, I’m not angry because I’ve been through this before
When all the walls start closing in, I’ll just find a door
You can say you’re sorry, but let me be very blunt
I’ve been doing some thinking and you’re not the one I want
I’m okay with moving on, just please don’t hold me down
You decided to let me go when you turned it all around
I’ll admit you took me a little by surprise
Although I should have seen it after the millionth time
I believed. I believed.
And yes, I promise, I am not mad
Because I knew this day was coming
So I’m only a little sad
I didn’t leave. I didn’t leave.
But after going through all this, I know it wasn’t me
It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.

Forgive Me (For Abbey)

I whisper loudly; you speak softly

The words from my mouth never sink in
But the words from your mouth haunt me


You don’t understand how bad it hurts to see you every day
When all I ever did was love you
And all you ever did was push me away
You hide it from them so they won’t see
All the scars you left
No, they can’t see a thing

What did you accomplish by pushing me away?
Was it just to help your pride? Well let me tell you what I got
Out of hearing you say
“I hate you.”
I got a couple months of crying at night, of closing my eyes
And saying “I’m so sorry.”
How many times can I apologize when I did nothing
Nothing to you

It All Just Flew By

Looking back on how much I’ve changed this year amazes me. I’ve had my ups and my downs, and my super ups and super downs, and times when I’ve asked if the downs would ever end. So many memories were created this year, and I didn’t realize I was adding on to them every day. I’ve gone through a lot with my amazing friends and family, and we’ve all come a long way, but it all just flew by.



This year has really been different for me, but in a good way. I’ve had reasons to cry, but so many more reasons to smile. I’ve come to be best friends with people I never would’ve thought I would have, and I’ve grown apart from those I thought I’d be friends with forever. But those people have all touched my life in some way, even if it was bad. But I don’t regret anything. I’m so glad I am who I am, and I am even more grateful that the people around me are who they are. I can’t say thank you enough to my wonderful friends, and I don’t think they realize how amazing they are to me. This year, I’ve always had someone I could trust. I’ve always had someone I could laugh with. I’ve always had someone I could complain with about the photography teacher. And I’ve always been able to avoid drama.


This year has allowed me to make my own decisions, and I feel like I’ve changed a lot since middle school. I can’t explain why, but I don’t think it could just be because I have more responsibilities. But the hallways are longer, the people are taller, the teachers are a bit stricter. And I can finally say I am a Little Giant. I go to that high school. I don’t really know why I think that’s so exciting, but it is, and I don’t want that to end. I don’t really want to stay in high school my whole life, but I know this is probably going to be the best part of my life, and I should make the most of it.




I’m done with the “What if’s”
And letting everyone decide how I’m gonna live my life
I’ll choose what I’ll do about this situation
No matter what you say, I’ll jump headfirst anyway, even if I’m not right


What could be wrong with something that makes me happy?
Absolutely nothing until someone gets hurt
But nobody has, so just let me just keep on smiling
And if I really am wrong, let me make my own mistakes so I can learn
On my own

Can't Undo What's Been Done

My heart hurts. I’m sorry

Can’t undo what’s been done

I didn’t want to. I promise

Can’t undo what’s been done

It was mine. Only mine

Can’t undo what’s been done

I was wrong. I apologize

Can’t undo what’s been done

Now you see everything

Can’t undo what’s been done

And it’s not just my song to sing

Can’t undo what’s been done

I would take it all away
Can’t undo what’s been done

And have everything stay the same

Can’t undo what’s been done

If you hate me, I’ll survive

Can’t undo what’s been done

If I can’t move on, then I’ll try

Can’t undo what’s been done

It Just Keeps Growin'

I swear it was nothing but two kids being kids.

We're still young, just having some fun.
But we're careful because we've learned from the things we did.
It was innocent; the night we met.
But I knew there would be something someday.
And I know I was just a girl to you; one you could easily forget.
So I wanted to feel the same, somehow, someway.
But that didn't work out, because the talks got longer, and deeper, and stronger.
And I couldn't help but wish you felt the same.
And then I saw you for real this time. I felt like I'd known you forever.
But how did you feel that night? Because I've been dying to know.
If you were as nervous as me, then it's your secret to keep, and the less I know, the better. Well now I'm yours, and I hope you're mine. It all kinda came without saying.
I'll keep going back to the night you told me I looked amazing.
My cold hands in yours; your warm hands in mine,
And your arm around me made my entire week. It's just sad that the time had to fly. When they looked at us, they knew it was right, and I looked over and saw you smile.
And I could stare at those beautiful eyes
As long as you would let me.
Was it wrong for me to fake a fight just to see what you would do?
I love that you kept bugging me, and I gave up cause I felt guilty.
And when I think about that night, I forget everything around me.
Every smile on my face was all because of you.
And what was it that left the biggest smile? Tell me what you said.
Was it that you're a lover, not a fighter? Oh yeah, that was it.
We don't know what we are, but for right now, that's okay.
I just know that whatever we have, I hope will never change.
And if you find out I'm not what you want, and that you deserve better than me,
I promise I'll let you leave.
And with a heavy heart that will slowly grow lighter,
I'll smile at the memories created by you and me.
And wanting you will be the only thing I wasn't sorry for.
No, I won’t be sorry

I Can't Control Everything

Overstressed and never satisfied
That’ll wear you out
I want to control every little thing
And change everything about myself
I say I’ll stop, and put on a mask
And hope it’ll sink in sometime
That no matter how hard you force them
Words can’t always rhyme
I can blend in with everybody else
And act like I am strong
But what would be the point
If you’re just going to prove me wrong?
If you keep saying everyday
You’ll make it happen someday
If you just keep on waiting
Well, soon it’ll be too late
And if before when they told me
Love is all you’ll ever need
Was it them, or was it you
Who just used me for your game?
You can try all you want
To understand what a song means
But if you’ve never been in that place before
How can you feel its sting?
Don’t tell me you’re a writer
When you use someone else’s words
Because I’ve been disappointed
More times than I’ve deserved

I Love My Family

  I'm sitting here in an over-sized sweatshirt, black sophie shorts, and a blanket on top. I have my whole family with me on the couch watching TV, but we don’t even need it..We’re just that interesting. They’ve gotten me thinking, I’m never really myself unless I’m with them, because they’re the only ones that understand anything. Nobody would laugh at our inside jokes, because we’re the only ones that share the same sense of humor. We may seem strange to you, but that’s only because everyone else seems strange to us. Every family has their own inside stories and jokes that only they understand. I get that, but I still can’t help but think, I’m so glad I live with these people. I love you.

Watch Me Walk Away

I used to think you were the highlight of my week

My life revolved around talking to you.

I’ll never know why I went to those extremes,

Until you looked at me.

But time has passed and we’re still stuck in the same place.

And now I’m starting to think all those times

I went out of my way to see you in the hallway

Should’ve been you instead

 

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one; can’t stay in the same place

I’ve been waiting for a while, so tell me

It’s not a waste

Take me as I am, or you can watch me walk away

 

Stuck in reverse

I used to think you were the greatest thing in my whole world

And I’m still trying to save whatever we were

You’re just not pulling your own weight

And everyday I’m hoping you’ll say whatever you used to say

That had me smiling the whole way home

For the whole night

And into tomorrow

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one; can’t stay in the same place

I’ve been waiting for a while, so tell me

It’s not a waste

Take me as I am, or you can watch me walk away

I know you’ve got a rep to protect

And underneath it all, you’re the sweetest thing

But don’t you think it’s mean to play

With little girls’ fragile hearts?

 

Make up your mind; it’s not that hard

What do you say?

I’ve never been the patient one, and I don’t have all day

And if collecting all these broken hearts

Is just a game you play

Then I’m done, and you can watch me walk away