It's Not Me, It's You

You always find a way to turn a perfect situation around.You catch me off guard every time, and I can only take
So much of fallin’ down for you.
You wanted to fall in love. You wanted me to be the one.
I have to admit, it was starting to sound okay. Until this.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth.
It was never me, no, it was you.


I thought we’d finally gotten there
To the point where I could share anything with you.
But now that place seems so far.
All I did was help you. All you did was take it and hurt me back.
So who, who do you think you are?


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth
It was never me, no, it was you.


So you thought you could do anything
Because you’ve been hurt too many times.
But I don’t feel sorry for you
And I think I’m finally through.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And I’m done with being that girl.
That’s the truth.
It’s not me, it was always you.

Old Memories From Old Writings

Okay, so this post is going to be extremely long because I’m posting a few older songs/ writings of mine. They’re really old, so I don’t know how good they are, but oh well. I hope you read them anyway:)

Dear Mommy

It’s the morning of the first day of first grade
You pick me up and turn the music on
We dance around
And you’re my best friend
And I never want you
To put me down

And you don’t know that I was crying
At school that day
I try to stop the tears before
We go out to play
And I don’t think that bell can ring
Soon enough

So I’m thirteen and I don’t cry at school anymore
But I still love you more
Than anything in the world
I close my eyes and remember
How everything used to be, and how
You always encouraged and inspired me

I come home from school where the kids
Always seem to be mean
I throw my backpack down
And remember to breathe
Because I know that I have you
And you will always love me

Black and White Rainbows



Cold wind chills my nose and my hands
Wish you were here to hold them close
I think of all the things
I’ve never said to you
Black and white rainbows fill my head
And it’s all thanks to you

The bittersweet aspiration for you
Eats at me until I’m numb inside
And even though my heart is feeling empty, I smile
When I see you in my mind

Rainbows of every color
Consume me when you’re close
And two short minutes with you
Make up for all the time
I’ve been alone
Alone.

So I’ll just let the coldness take me
And hope that someday, maybe,
It will ease the pain
I sit under the black and white rainbow
And finally feel the warmth
Of the sun’s rays

And even though you’re not with me
You’re still in my heart
Putting the color
In all the rainbows

Up and Away

They tell me not to jump because the water’s gettin’ high
But I gotta make my own mistakes
Gotta let my heart break
Once or twice in my life

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

So I’ve taken chances, maybe some worse than others
But there are no regrets
And I’m weak, but I’m getting’ stronger
And now there’s no going back

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

And I remember those days
When I cried alone
There will be worse days
But I promise, I’m not letting go

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
Don’t wanna listen to all the people yelling my name
I just want the wind to carry me up, up, and away

Somehow

I watch the cars as they go by, and I stare
As the snowflakes fall, one at a time
And this whole time I only see your face
And think the thoughts I usually do
I wish I was there with you

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

So that space beside me is empty again
But I remember everything you said
And I don’t feel so alone
But I miss your voice and your comforting arms
And my heart feels as heavy as stone

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

The sky turned from blue to black, but the ground is still white
And you’re still the only thing that’s been on my mind
And I’ll close my eyes and think of you

I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow
We’ll make it through somehow

Think of Me (For Laurel)

We hear the bell ring and we all crowd outside
It’s hard to believe another year has come and gone by
I hug my friend; she promised she’d come back someday
But still we know it won’t be much
I’ve prepared for this, but I never thought it’d be this tough
And I made her promise me:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

We get into her loaded car and look back at the house for the last time
And truthfully, neither of us can let it go
But still we smile to keep from crying
And all I’m asking is:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

Think of me when you’re with your new friends
Think of me in everything you do
And I will do the same for you

This Moment

Deep in thought, I gaze out my window, showing the numbness of my heart
The sky is beautiful. Too bad you’re not here to see God’s work of art
Lost in daydreams and all the things I wish I could say to you
But my tired eyes are weak. It’s time to leave
Just know that everything I said, well, it was true

Hello there. You gaze into my wondering eyes, and we wake up the midnight sky
And we dance as it sings the prettiest lullaby
So are you in love yet? Sure, why not?
The earth turns slowly, but the clock ticks fast
But can we please let this moment last
Under the stars

The breathtaking view of the ocean doesn’t mean a thing
No, not without you here
So don’t just leave me waiting
I can hear you whisper in my ear
The rain began to sing for you
And you are my atmosphere
My sky of blue

So are you in love yet?
Come on, the clock is ticking fast
Just gaze into my wondering eyes
And we’ll wake up the midnight sky
And dance as it sings
The prettiest lullaby
The world is painted our favorite shade of blue
This moment was made for me and you

I Guess It'll All Work Out Someday

I have mixed emotions about e v e r y t h i n g, and I guess it helps my writing, but I’ve always wished I could be stronger. But it’s not like I hide from anything that could hurt me. I know I’ll be hurt many more times in my life. But the bad thing is, I always get in way over my head and, in the end, I can’t handle it and it kills me. I think it’s because I’m really just not normal. I’m way too pushy when I want something to happen, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But lately, no matter what I do, nothing seems to work out right. I mean, I know what’s meant to happen will happen, but it just gets really aggravating after a while when you can’t have what you want. And I know that makes me sound a bit, uh, bad, but it’s like when you want something for Christmas really badly and you don’t get it. That’s definitely not what I’m talking about though; it’s not an object, really. And my latest blogs, although they’re not all about what I’m talking about right now, have been about a certain situation. I’m not really mad about what happened, but a little disappointed, I suppose. I could’ve gotten myself out of this, but I’m a little mad at myself because I started everything. But if I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have known what could’ve happened. Does this make any sense? I can’t say that I want to get hurt, but to me, going through a situation and failing epically is better than not knowing what could’ve happened. I don’t consider anything I’ve done to be a mistake, just a learning experience. And I certainly don’t regret my latest situation. I know I can’t stop myself from trying to make everything better, but one day, no matter what I do, it’ll all work out. And not even I can stop it. And that is a good reason to keep going, because I know there’s still going to be so much more for me, better than I can even imagine.

I Always Knew It was Coming

I told you I wouldn’t be sorry, but I am a little hurt
Because you had every part of me believing every word
And if I’m so amazing, why couldn’t you have stayed
Instead of leaving me alone with no words left to say
But my life will go on, and I’ll be my same-old self
And you’ll still be there asking “What if there’s no one else?”
Honestly, I’m not angry because I’ve been through this before
When all the walls start closing in, I’ll just find a door
You can say you’re sorry, but let me be very blunt
I’ve been doing some thinking and you’re not the one I want
I’m okay with moving on, just please don’t hold me down
You decided to let me go when you turned it all around
I’ll admit you took me a little by surprise
Although I should have seen it after the millionth time
I believed. I believed.
And yes, I promise, I am not mad
Because I knew this day was coming
So I’m only a little sad
I didn’t leave. I didn’t leave.
But after going through all this, I know it wasn’t me
It wasn’t me. It wasn’t me.

Forgive Me (For Abbey)

I whisper loudly; you speak softly

The words from my mouth never sink in
But the words from your mouth haunt me


You don’t understand how bad it hurts to see you every day
When all I ever did was love you
And all you ever did was push me away
You hide it from them so they won’t see
All the scars you left
No, they can’t see a thing

What did you accomplish by pushing me away?
Was it just to help your pride? Well let me tell you what I got
Out of hearing you say
“I hate you.”
I got a couple months of crying at night, of closing my eyes
And saying “I’m so sorry.”
How many times can I apologize when I did nothing
Nothing to you

It All Just Flew By

Looking back on how much I’ve changed this year amazes me. I’ve had my ups and my downs, and my super ups and super downs, and times when I’ve asked if the downs would ever end. So many memories were created this year, and I didn’t realize I was adding on to them every day. I’ve gone through a lot with my amazing friends and family, and we’ve all come a long way, but it all just flew by.



This year has really been different for me, but in a good way. I’ve had reasons to cry, but so many more reasons to smile. I’ve come to be best friends with people I never would’ve thought I would have, and I’ve grown apart from those I thought I’d be friends with forever. But those people have all touched my life in some way, even if it was bad. But I don’t regret anything. I’m so glad I am who I am, and I am even more grateful that the people around me are who they are. I can’t say thank you enough to my wonderful friends, and I don’t think they realize how amazing they are to me. This year, I’ve always had someone I could trust. I’ve always had someone I could laugh with. I’ve always had someone I could complain with about the photography teacher. And I’ve always been able to avoid drama.


This year has allowed me to make my own decisions, and I feel like I’ve changed a lot since middle school. I can’t explain why, but I don’t think it could just be because I have more responsibilities. But the hallways are longer, the people are taller, the teachers are a bit stricter. And I can finally say I am a Little Giant. I go to that high school. I don’t really know why I think that’s so exciting, but it is, and I don’t want that to end. I don’t really want to stay in high school my whole life, but I know this is probably going to be the best part of my life, and I should make the most of it.




I’m done with the “What if’s”
And letting everyone decide how I’m gonna live my life
I’ll choose what I’ll do about this situation
No matter what you say, I’ll jump headfirst anyway, even if I’m not right


What could be wrong with something that makes me happy?
Absolutely nothing until someone gets hurt
But nobody has, so just let me just keep on smiling
And if I really am wrong, let me make my own mistakes so I can learn
On my own

Can't Undo What's Been Done

My heart hurts. I’m sorry

Can’t undo what’s been done

I didn’t want to. I promise

Can’t undo what’s been done

It was mine. Only mine

Can’t undo what’s been done

I was wrong. I apologize

Can’t undo what’s been done

Now you see everything

Can’t undo what’s been done

And it’s not just my song to sing

Can’t undo what’s been done

I would take it all away
Can’t undo what’s been done

And have everything stay the same

Can’t undo what’s been done

If you hate me, I’ll survive

Can’t undo what’s been done

If I can’t move on, then I’ll try

Can’t undo what’s been done