Now I see, and I'm getting stronger

I'm not experienced, but I know how they are
And honey, they'll eat you up
Because that's just who they are
You can try your luck
Something I've done many times
Just be ready to pick yourself up
After the first few tries

Because They won't have sympathy
And they're just too conceited
To notice people like you and me
We're just thrown out there
And expected to make it on our own
And you'd think maybe they'd miss us after we're gone
But they won't.

So shake it off
And don't you dare let them see you cry
Because that's just a sign of weakness
In their hungry eyes
They feed off of the drama in other peoples' lives
An it's sad, because you wish you could be heartless enough
To be like them, just one time

And I can't waste anymore of my sweet, sweet time
Trying to let you see why I think you're wrong.
It won't sink in. Because you're perfect, right?
And it'll always be my fault
But you have your ways, I'll give you that much
I'm just an amateur when it comes to speaking up
And all that ever seems to do
Is feed those hungry eyes

They don't need to know all the things you did to me
Because it's my problem, not theirs
So I'll just wear my poker face
And get right back out there
And I'll become one of them
So I won't feel the hurt
And they won't forget me.
Trust me, I'll make sure

I'd like to be mean enough to say that is the truth
But that's not me and I can't change
because now I know you
I've seen how you think
But you're soeone else's problem now
Because I won't let you trick me anymore

I just can't learn my lesson

I could take the easy way and fall for your lies
Even though I know that road disappoints me every time
I could ignore all the hurtful things you did and move on
I could pretend that I am strong
That would be the easy thing to do, but I know you
I know who's wrong

Even though you left to make me look like the bad guy, I believed you
I was sorry. Looks like you forgave me, two weeks too late
Your fault, your mistake
I'll go easy on you because I understand
But I won't make the same mistake again

I'm still young and I'm still naive
I know what will happen but I want to believe
That you honestly want to change
It starts to get old when you leave me to pick up the pieces
It took long enough, but I finally did, and what do you know?
You're back, again

I won't fight you, because I can't win
You always seem to prove your point
But now it's your turn to listen to me
Turns out you can't always get what you want
Who am I kidding? I might as well be arguing with no one
Because you have ways of getting under my skin
And I'll just deny it while they watch me come undone
Because I know when it comes to you, I can't win

I Think I Know

I'm not here to ask what she's got that I don't.
I think I know, I think I know
She's not perfect, but she's everything you want
And I'm just her shadow

You pull me in, you push me away. Then you come back again
I couldn't expect you to stay after I said I'd moved on
So what's changed? Where did all the late night conversations go?
I think I know, I think I know

I guess it's true you don't really know what you got until it's gone
I led you on, but so did you, I guess there was something there all along
Was it wrong to be confused? I guess I'll sit back and watch you leave
Good luck with her. But I'll be here if you need someone to talk to
If that's what you choose

You pull me in, you push me away. Then you come back again
I couldn't expect you to stay after I said I'd moved on
So what's changed? Where did all the late night conversations go?
I think I know, I think I know

But I miss the invisible hugs
When I stayed up half the night crying
And you said everything would be alright
You wanna tell me where that went?
I think I know, I think I know

This Is My Dream

Dreaming is good therapy, at least until I wake up
Every night I hold his hand and I'll replay how we fell in love
And it's all fine, walking in a different me
The side I'd never let anyone in this world see

And I'll dance around and sing out loud
Cause I have nothing to worry about
As long as it's my dream. As long as I'm still me

Finally, the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders
And I don't have to look for my purpose on this earth
I'm free from all your critisism because I just don't care anymore

I'll pretend I'm the most graceful dancer and I know how to make words
From nothing at all, and it'll be the prettiest song you've ever heard
And I won't have to try because I have no one to please
As long as it's my dream. As long as I'm still me

It's Your Problem Now

The days hit me hard when I face them alone. I can't seem to accept that I can't do this on my own. But it's Your problem now. I'm sorry I complained. I'm turning it over before I go insane from all the intimidating voices that won't leave my head. And I believed every one of them, and all the words that they said. And I'm sorry for doubting and putting You last, but that won't happen again. I promise, even when I stumble through the dark valley, I'll hold tight, because You love me. And you'll always be mine.

Why Are You Being So Mean?

Is it too late to tell you I can't do this anymore? It wasn't too late for you to turn around and run away. But I'm weak. You wore me out. And I just can't keep chasing you. Maybe it's too late to take it back, but how could I have known? I couldn't have known. But the truth is, the little girl can only be tricked so many times before she realizes she won't get her prince. And now I see your once beautiful shine dimming to a faded glow. And if you don't want to stay, then I'll just go. I think it's finally time to look the other way.But it's easy to say I can be strong without you; it's another to actually move, leaving behind what hasn't been done and everything that we didn't fix. You know I'm sorry, but I can't just keep saying it until you decide to forgive me. I can't take it back, but I would if I could. Just please don't make me feel like the bad guy. Because right now, you're just being mean. Why do you have to be so mean?

You're the farthest thing from perfect, but hey, I am too

Why does it seem like you can bring out all my imperfections without meaning to?

You're crazy and obnoxious, and I am too. But I'm never that crazy when I'm around you.
Well, that's what you think, but you can't see that I'm only crazy for you.
And you're not perfect; really you're insane. And around you I'm quiet and shy.
You're everything I never wanted, so I know I'm losing my mind,
Because I'm trying so hard for you to like me, but it doesn't seem to be working out,
'cause I can't do anything right. But you say you still want me, and honestly, I have no idea why.

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you just see right through me.
Why would someone like you want the little girl sitting in the corner,
wasting her time on daydreams?
She's nothing like you, and you could have anyone in the entire world.
So can you please explain why you want her?

I've tried my hardest to push you away, but you keep coming back.
Why do you do this to me when you know I can't do it?
I couldn't tell you how uncomfortable I am when it's just you and me.
You seem fine, but I'd go back and change it all in a heartbeat.
Because I have ways of screwing things up,
and I'll say sorry at least a thousand times because I'm the reason
it'll never work for us.

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve, and you just see right through me.
Why would someone like you want the little girl sitting in the corner,
wasting her time on daydreams?
She's nothing like you, and you could have anyone in the entire world.
So can you please explain why you want her?

I'll stop asking questions for at least a second or two,
and I'll smile becuase you want me and because I want you too.
But I'm so sorry, because I wear my heart on my sleeve
and I know you see right through me.
With you the world is black and white, and with me everything is in between.
You're a different kind of perfect, and I'm completely opposite.
I know you could have anybody, but for right now, I'm just happy that you want me.

What's It Gonna Be?

I've just been spendin' my time going in circles, wondering why me?
Why now? What's going on? Do you want me? I don't know, and I just can't keep my gaurd down.
But as long as it's just you and me, I'll tell you one of my secrets.
Because I like you and you like me, and I trust that you can keep it.
But if that beautiful smile has been lying all along, you could just be
another reminder of something I did wrong.
Or you could be my favorite song I just can't get out of my mind.
And when I sing along, our words always seem to rhyme.
So I guess I'll just go for it and see what happens next.
At least I could say you were mine and there are no regrets.
We may be far from perfect, but I promise it'll be okay
if I really want you, and you've really felt the same, all this time.
Now you're mine. Do you promise? I'm the only one for you?
Tell me those other girls can try, but I'll still be the one you choose.
Please let those be your words so we can keep on singing,
and forget about the rest of the world. So now what are you thinking?
Are your hopes as high as mine? Well if you're looking for something else,
you're just wasting your time.
But let this be our fairytale and prove that they're all wrong.
That you found the one you want, and it was me all along.
It may be too much to ask, but really it's so easy,
if you finish the lyrics to our song and promise that you'll meet me,
halfway. And we can look back on the day, the day we fell for each other.

Don't You Ever Give Up

You sit alone at your lunch table again

It’d all be better if you had just one friend who cares.
But please don’t worry ‘cause I’m right here
And I’m not goin’ anywhere
And you can cry on me anytime, and you’ll be fine
But still, it’d be nice if


Once, just once, I didn’t have to be your knight in shining armor
The one who sweeps you off your feet
I’ve always been there for you, but I’m wondering
If you’ll ever be there for me
Oh, and it kills me when you stop caring because you’ve had enough
Will you promise me, please, don’t you ever give up


Well people talk, and I’ve heard it all
But I don’t care. I’m only here for you
And if they don’t have anything nice to say
They shouldn’t talk at all
They shouldn't talk at all


Oh but once, just once, I don’t want to have be your knight in shining armor
The one who sweeps you off your feet
I’ve always been there for you, but I’m wondering
If you’ll ever be there for me
Oh, and it kills me when you stop caring because you’ve had enough
Will you promise me, please, don’t you ever give up


And you can push me away all you want
But I’ll fight back and I won’t give up
Why is it so hard for you to see you’re somethin’ special to me?


So just this once I’ll be your knight in shining armor
Just this once I’ll sweep you off your feet
I’m always gonna be here for you
Because I know you’re here for me
Oh, and even when you have had enough
I’ll be right there to make sure you don’t give up
Please, promise me don’t you ever give up

What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

Same old same, will it ever change?

They’ll do anything for us to know their name

It’s just high school. Yeah, but it’s so much more

No one sees what goes on behind those doors

But the people who are hurt even more each day

And the people who see them, but don’t say a thing

You have friends, but inside you know

No one understands. So you might as well be alone

But you fake a smile ‘cause you’re afraid to say

What everyone is thinking at the end of the day

Is there an end to the stereotypes?

And those who push you down, so they can help their pride

I know you can’t see what they do

But they’re alone, just like you

And they won’t say a thing because they’re afraid it won’t be cool.

So we just keep going on like this

Because this is high school

It's Not Me, It's You

You always find a way to turn a perfect situation around.You catch me off guard every time, and I can only take
So much of fallin’ down for you.
You wanted to fall in love. You wanted me to be the one.
I have to admit, it was starting to sound okay. Until this.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth.
It was never me, no, it was you.


I thought we’d finally gotten there
To the point where I could share anything with you.
But now that place seems so far.
All I did was help you. All you did was take it and hurt me back.
So who, who do you think you are?


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And when I’d given you all I had, you took it right back.
And now I know the truth
It was never me, no, it was you.


So you thought you could do anything
Because you’ve been hurt too many times.
But I don’t feel sorry for you
And I think I’m finally through.


Don’t you think I’ve had enough?
You kept me around so you could feel loved.
And I’m done with being that girl.
That’s the truth.
It’s not me, it was always you.

Old Memories From Old Writings

Okay, so this post is going to be extremely long because I’m posting a few older songs/ writings of mine. They’re really old, so I don’t know how good they are, but oh well. I hope you read them anyway:)

Dear Mommy

It’s the morning of the first day of first grade
You pick me up and turn the music on
We dance around
And you’re my best friend
And I never want you
To put me down

And you don’t know that I was crying
At school that day
I try to stop the tears before
We go out to play
And I don’t think that bell can ring
Soon enough

So I’m thirteen and I don’t cry at school anymore
But I still love you more
Than anything in the world
I close my eyes and remember
How everything used to be, and how
You always encouraged and inspired me

I come home from school where the kids
Always seem to be mean
I throw my backpack down
And remember to breathe
Because I know that I have you
And you will always love me

Black and White Rainbows



Cold wind chills my nose and my hands
Wish you were here to hold them close
I think of all the things
I’ve never said to you
Black and white rainbows fill my head
And it’s all thanks to you

The bittersweet aspiration for you
Eats at me until I’m numb inside
And even though my heart is feeling empty, I smile
When I see you in my mind

Rainbows of every color
Consume me when you’re close
And two short minutes with you
Make up for all the time
I’ve been alone
Alone.

So I’ll just let the coldness take me
And hope that someday, maybe,
It will ease the pain
I sit under the black and white rainbow
And finally feel the warmth
Of the sun’s rays

And even though you’re not with me
You’re still in my heart
Putting the color
In all the rainbows

Up and Away

They tell me not to jump because the water’s gettin’ high
But I gotta make my own mistakes
Gotta let my heart break
Once or twice in my life

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

So I’ve taken chances, maybe some worse than others
But there are no regrets
And I’m weak, but I’m getting’ stronger
And now there’s no going back

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
But I’m falling. Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
I want the wind to carry me
Up, up, and away

And I remember those days
When I cried alone
There will be worse days
But I promise, I’m not letting go

I’ve finally reached the top of this mountain I’ve been climbin’ forever
Don’t wanna be caught
Just wanna stay here forever
Don’t wanna listen to all the people yelling my name
I just want the wind to carry me up, up, and away

Somehow

I watch the cars as they go by, and I stare
As the snowflakes fall, one at a time
And this whole time I only see your face
And think the thoughts I usually do
I wish I was there with you

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

So that space beside me is empty again
But I remember everything you said
And I don’t feel so alone
But I miss your voice and your comforting arms
And my heart feels as heavy as stone

It’s a full moon out tonight, and I wish you were by my side
I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow

The sky turned from blue to black, but the ground is still white
And you’re still the only thing that’s been on my mind
And I’ll close my eyes and think of you

I’ll think of you when I hear the words Vanilla Twilight
You’re the only one I want throwin’ pebbles at my window tonight
I’m staring outside my window thinking of you right now
And I know we’ll make it through this somehow
We’ll make it through somehow

Think of Me (For Laurel)

We hear the bell ring and we all crowd outside
It’s hard to believe another year has come and gone by
I hug my friend; she promised she’d come back someday
But still we know it won’t be much
I’ve prepared for this, but I never thought it’d be this tough
And I made her promise me:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

We get into her loaded car and look back at the house for the last time
And truthfully, neither of us can let it go
But still we smile to keep from crying
And all I’m asking is:

To remember me when you’re down, think of all the fun we had
Think of all the slumber parties, how we’d dance and share stories
Think of all the tears we cried; think of all the laughs we shared
And last, but not least, think of me

Think of me when you’re with your new friends
Think of me in everything you do
And I will do the same for you

This Moment

Deep in thought, I gaze out my window, showing the numbness of my heart
The sky is beautiful. Too bad you’re not here to see God’s work of art
Lost in daydreams and all the things I wish I could say to you
But my tired eyes are weak. It’s time to leave
Just know that everything I said, well, it was true

Hello there. You gaze into my wondering eyes, and we wake up the midnight sky
And we dance as it sings the prettiest lullaby
So are you in love yet? Sure, why not?
The earth turns slowly, but the clock ticks fast
But can we please let this moment last
Under the stars

The breathtaking view of the ocean doesn’t mean a thing
No, not without you here
So don’t just leave me waiting
I can hear you whisper in my ear
The rain began to sing for you
And you are my atmosphere
My sky of blue

So are you in love yet?
Come on, the clock is ticking fast
Just gaze into my wondering eyes
And we’ll wake up the midnight sky
And dance as it sings
The prettiest lullaby
The world is painted our favorite shade of blue
This moment was made for me and you